ola chica!

seriously, its like FOREVER (chris brown) since my last update. tak boleh BELAH!

quick review of the important events:
1. 2nd place President's Cup (it's a debate comp)
2. got to know this one guy
3. fell in love with this one guy
4. now dating this one guy

life doesnt get any better than this!

semester 3 is starting soon. im still deciding whether i like this or not. here are the pros and cons

pros:
1. its been a hell long semester break (2 months kot!)
2. meeting new comers (including jarir's gf)
3. brag about the debate outcome
4. workshop!! :D

cons:
1. my cyber-netting will be cut off! (connection very sucky)
2. that means no more video-calling my azreen
3. staying at afamosa
4. lame crowd
5. micet = loserville
6. i'll be leaving my besties behind! *sobs*

so there you go. it seems that cons won over pros, so yeah, im not looking forward to semester 3. enough of that, let me tell you a story about a girl name lucky....

*to be continued

thy love

his name is with 2 letters only. at least, that's what most of us call him. he's hot, he's cool, he's every temperature u can imagine. and i wish he's mine. oh, he also plays futsal. damn...

the beginning of forever

everything feels so wrong. i dont feel the same anymore. this new feeling scares me. i want to get back to how it used to be. i want to be innocent again.

from that point of time somewhere between 9.15pm to 10.00pm on 26th of march 2009, my life has changed forever. i cannot take what was said out of my mind. i never thought that this would come, but the way it was said makes it closer to what is inescapable.

i feel like an arrow has pierced my heart. right at the center. i felt suffocated. this cant be happening.

i love you ayah.
dont ever say it again.
i love you so much.
dont ever say it again.
i love you forever.
dont ever say it again...

now i see clearly the meaning of life. my eyes are wide open to the objective of it. i want to live it with all my might and to serve The Almighty forever. i feel so ashamed of myself. how ignorant i was. how pathetic i was. how small i was. and still am.

lets take this one moment at a time, shall we. we are humans. we do make mistakes. but we're suppose to counter them with taubat. lets start there. i will start there. i will..

about the letter i wrote. i wish i could write it again. i feel that i havent said what was suppose to be said. it lacked something. but what is that something? how do i explain it again with more compassion? however compassionate it was, it wasnt enough. i need more. show more. write more. give more.

i want to repeat those words again. those words i cherish. those words with deep meanings that can tear your heart apart. i want to cry reading it. cry with joy, with sadness, with pride. i want to do a lot of things. if only...

Ya Allah,
ampunkanlah dosa kedua ibu bapa ku.
sayangilah mereka sebagaimana mereka menyayangi ku semasa kecil

i want to repeat those words over and over again
i want to shout them out just to hear it out loud




i love you both.. like, seriously

tired..

i've been giving but not receiving lately. smiles, concern, laughter, and what not. maybe it's not enough. maybe it's never wanted. or maybe they're just plain bored. its kind of sad and disturbing. i dont like this feeling at all. as much as i hate the feeling, it cannot be compared to how i hate my self pity. i dont want to write about how sad i am. about how down i feel. about this emotional roller-coaster i'm in. but i cant help it. im soo pitiable.

i dont want pity. i want understanding. i want acceptance. i want respect. i want what i'm not receiving when i feel that i deserve to receive it. its unfair. totally unfair. i want to shout out to the world and tell them what a sucker i am for acting like this. but at the same time, i still want the world to love me. despite everything.

how sad i must seem by posting this entry. how disgusting i might look with this emotional confession im letting out. however i may sound or look, its true and honest. i dont expect anything, just silence and peace. let me be. let me fly. let me die, if it's any better. i'm just so damn tired already...

secret fantasy

what's my secret fantasy?

i'm not the type who faints a lot. in fact, i've never fainted in my entire life. fainting just doesnt go well with me. i'm not a weak person who cries a lot and faints like an A4 paper flying to the ground. but sometimes, i have this sudden thought "what would happen if i ever fainted? would some mysterious, gorgeous-looking tough guy lift me up and try to wake me?" damn girl, that would be my ultimate fantasy.

once, while my classmates and i were in the analytical lab, doing our lab quiz, i saw one of the technicians carrying someone who fainted. of course, its a she. damn, how i wish i was her. added to that was the fact that the technician was handsome. well, all of them are gorgeous except a few married ones. whatever it is, they are all hot!

okay, enough talk about handsome technies.

2 lab reports pending

update

its been a while since my last update. i've been busy (lazy, actually) lately. nothing much have been going on. the major once was the novice competition. being an adjudicator was fun as well as challenging. i got to listen to the debators talk and was impress by all of them. what i saw and heard was how real debates looked and sounded like. i can never call myself a debator if i cannot talk like them. meaning i still lack certain debating skills. well, there's still room for improvement.

opening up my blog was a shock. especially when reading my chatbox. well, not as much a shock then annoyance. these haters just love me like hell. if not, explain why they keep visiting my blog and checking up on my life? i'm getting tired and more annoyed by these anonymous people who love to hate me. sometimes these people would turn me down and make me feel like kicking them in the face (whoever they are). but when that feeling engulfs me, i would tell myself that their behavior is not worth pondering. i am what i am. deal with it.

enough talk about those haters. give me a topic. right, about the hostel accomadations. there would be a place for me in the hostel for next semester. out of all the students in my class, im the only one who got in. maybe because of the debate thing. i have immunity. well, that's a plus for me. but when i heard about my classmates not getting to stay at the hostel next semester, i dont feel as lucky anymore. my roommates are also going to be staying outside. i've never felt so alone before.

after long moments of contemplation, i feel that this is more of an option than a bad turn of luck. since kak farah and fatimah are going to be living at afamosa, i can always hitch a ride with them and go stay at my place there. and whenever i feel like staying at the hostel, i have a lodging here. so, either way, i win. great huh? also, i heard from the seniors that the third semester is going to be the toughest and most tiring semester. added to that is the fact that it is on the ramadhan season. things would get hectic. its a good thing im going to have accomodations here in MICET.

rumor has it that hostel fees are going to increase a notch. around rm1000. it's frigging unfair since i dont see any improvements in the hostel's condition. the furnitures are still ugly as they were. paint job sucks, and one of the rooms have a leaking ceiling. and all that is worth rm1000? give me a break! these things about the loan money is bad as it is. and now they're increasing the fees? what kind of unfairness is that?

til next time..





air kisses

malaysia open

"are you interested in Malaysia Open?"

"why? not enough team members to join?"

"yea, interested?"

"count me in. but if ada org lain nak masuk then i xyah masuk"

a few hours later...

"you're in! welcome. =)"

"darn it! i was hoping ada org lain nk masuk. i'm so not ready!!"

so that was how i got in. the idea of me joining is bizarre already. the fact that my team members would be 2 of the best speakers from unikl makes it hundred times bizarre. i'm so dead.

i told ikram that i would only shame them with my lack of vocabulary and my stupid stammer and thus leads us to losing the whole thing. i hate to be a weak link. but he said it would be my chance to debate (since i would be an adjudicator for the novice). well, i've forewarned him. if we fail, its not my fault.

may luck be on my side..



air kisses