the chronicles of raihanna roslan

2011

2011-05-14T02:27:00.003+08:00

like, wow! my last post was - what - in 2009?? that was AGES ago! i forgot how to do fonts and colours and all those sorts now. LOL!

so, what made me want to re-update my blog?

well, easy! i've deactivated my facebook and i feel totally lost as to what to do with streamyx that my dad pays rm88 every month. so yeah, next to facebook (and googling celebrity's street style), blog! i guess i should be updating on what has happened these past 2 years.. oh well. A LOT has happened!

first up, the most important: i'm not single anymore!! *shocker*. yes, it is a shocker. well, i think i started dating at about the same time i stopped updating my blog. maybe its because my boyfriend is more interesting than blogging. haha! well, duh!

secondly: i've finished my diploma at micet! and reading back to how much i've trash-talked about micet, i regret it. and yes, i am very ashamed of myself for saying all those things. about micet and it's occupants. my sincere apologies to you lots. i've matured since then although i havent grown that much. (hard chance, na).

oh, wow. i didnt realize how much fun typing is. i feel so at ease and, like, yeah..

thirdly: i've deactivated my facebook account, and i dont know how people are going to access this blog without me publishing it. hmm... food for thought. oh well, whatever. i blog for old time's sake. i am my own reader. yeay! (loser)

this could be my only post for 2011. this could also be the first to many other posts to come for 2011. until then. xx

ola chica!

2009-07-15T21:05:00.003+08:00

seriously, its like FOREVER (chris brown) since my last update. tak boleh BELAH!

quick review of the important events:
1. 2nd place President's Cup (it's a debate comp)
2. got to know this one guy
3. fell in love with this one guy
4. now dating this one guy

life doesnt get any better than this!

semester 3 is starting soon. im still deciding whether i like this or not. here are the pros and cons

pros:
1. its been a hell long semester break (2 months kot!)
2. meeting new comers (including jarir's gf)
3. brag about the debate outcome
4. workshop!! :D

cons:
1. my cyber-netting will be cut off! (connection very sucky)
2. that means no more video-calling my azreen
3. staying at afamosa
4. lame crowd
5. micet = loserville
6. i'll be leaving my besties behind! *sobs*

so there you go. it seems that cons won over pros, so yeah, im not looking forward to semester 3. enough of that, let me tell you a story about a girl name lucky....

*to be continued

thy love

2009-05-02T23:02:00.000+08:00

his name is with 2 letters only. at least, that's what most of us call him. he's hot, he's cool, he's every temperature u can imagine. and i wish he's mine. oh, he also plays futsal. damn...

the beginning of forever

2009-03-26T21:58:00.003+08:00

everything feels so wrong. i dont feel the same anymore. this new feeling scares me. i want to get back to how it used to be. i want to be innocent again.

from that point of time somewhere between 9.15pm to 10.00pm on 26th of march 2009, my life has changed forever. i cannot take what was said out of my mind. i never thought that this would come, but the way it was said makes it closer to what is inescapable.

i feel like an arrow has pierced my heart. right at the center. i felt suffocated. this cant be happening.

i love you ayah.
dont ever say it again.
i love you so much.
dont ever say it again.
i love you forever.
dont ever say it again...

now i see clearly the meaning of life. my eyes are wide open to the objective of it. i want to live it with all my might and to serve The Almighty forever. i feel so ashamed of myself. how ignorant i was. how pathetic i was. how small i was. and still am.

lets take this one moment at a time, shall we. we are humans. we do make mistakes. but we're suppose to counter them with taubat. lets start there. i will start there. i will..

about the letter i wrote. i wish i could write it again. i feel that i havent said what was suppose to be said. it lacked something. but what is that something? how do i explain it again with more compassion? however compassionate it was, it wasnt enough. i need more. show more. write more. give more.

i want to repeat those words again. those words i cherish. those words with deep meanings that can tear your heart apart. i want to cry reading it. cry with joy, with sadness, with pride. i want to do a lot of things. if only...

Ya Allah,
ampunkanlah dosa kedua ibu bapa ku.
sayangilah mereka sebagaimana mereka menyayangi ku semasa kecil

i want to repeat those words over and over again
i want to shout them out just to hear it out loud

i love you both.. like, seriously

tired..

2009-03-26T20:35:00.001+08:00

i've been giving but not receiving lately. smiles, concern, laughter, and what not. maybe it's not enough. maybe it's never wanted. or maybe they're just plain bored. its kind of sad and disturbing. i dont like this feeling at all. as much as i hate the feeling, it cannot be compared to how i hate my self pity. i dont want to write about how sad i am. about how down i feel. about this emotional roller-coaster i'm in. but i cant help it. im soo pitiable.

i dont want pity. i want understanding. i want acceptance. i want respect. i want what i'm not receiving when i feel that i deserve to receive it. its unfair. totally unfair. i want to shout out to the world and tell them what a sucker i am for acting like this. but at the same time, i still want the world to love me. despite everything.

how sad i must seem by posting this entry. how disgusting i might look with this emotional confession im letting out. however i may sound or look, its true and honest. i dont expect anything, just silence and peace. let me be. let me fly. let me die, if it's any better. i'm just so damn tired already...

secret fantasy

2009-03-26T19:16:00.001+08:00

what's my secret fantasy?

i'm not the type who faints a lot. in fact, i've never fainted in my entire life. fainting just doesnt go well with me. i'm not a weak person who cries a lot and faints like an A4 paper flying to the ground. but sometimes, i have this sudden thought "what would happen if i ever fainted? would some mysterious, gorgeous-looking tough guy lift me up and try to wake me?" damn girl, that would be my ultimate fantasy.

once, while my classmates and i were in the analytical lab, doing our lab quiz, i saw one of the technicians carrying someone who fainted. of course, its a she. damn, how i wish i was her. added to that was the fact that the technician was handsome. well, all of them are gorgeous except a few married ones. whatever it is, they are all hot!

okay, enough talk about handsome technies.

2 lab reports pending

update

2009-03-25T19:31:00.001+08:00

its been a while since my last update. i've been busy (lazy, actually) lately. nothing much have been going on. the major once was the novice competition. being an adjudicator was fun as well as challenging. i got to listen to the debators talk and was impress by all of them. what i saw and heard was how real debates looked and sounded like. i can never call myself a debator if i cannot talk like them. meaning i still lack certain debating skills. well, there's still room for improvement.

opening up my blog was a shock. especially when reading my chatbox. well, not as much a shock then annoyance. these haters just love me like hell. if not, explain why they keep visiting my blog and checking up on my life? i'm getting tired and more annoyed by these anonymous people who love to hate me. sometimes these people would turn me down and make me feel like kicking them in the face (whoever they are). but when that feeling engulfs me, i would tell myself that their behavior is not worth pondering. i am what i am. deal with it.

enough talk about those haters. give me a topic. right, about the hostel accomadations. there would be a place for me in the hostel for next semester. out of all the students in my class, im the only one who got in. maybe because of the debate thing. i have immunity. well, that's a plus for me. but when i heard about my classmates not getting to stay at the hostel next semester, i dont feel as lucky anymore. my roommates are also going to be staying outside. i've never felt so alone before.

after long moments of contemplation, i feel that this is more of an option than a bad turn of luck. since kak farah and fatimah are going to be living at afamosa, i can always hitch a ride with them and go stay at my place there. and whenever i feel like staying at the hostel, i have a lodging here. so, either way, i win. great huh? also, i heard from the seniors that the third semester is going to be the toughest and most tiring semester. added to that is the fact that it is on the ramadhan season. things would get hectic. its a good thing im going to have accomodations here in MICET.

rumor has it that hostel fees are going to increase a notch. around rm1000. it's frigging unfair since i dont see any improvements in the hostel's condition. the furnitures are still ugly as they were. paint job sucks, and one of the rooms have a leaking ceiling. and all that is worth rm1000? give me a break! these things about the loan money is bad as it is. and now they're increasing the fees? what kind of unfairness is that?

til next time..

air kisses

malaysia open

2009-03-03T22:07:00.001+08:00

"are you interested in Malaysia Open?"

"why? not enough team members to join?"

"yea, interested?"

"count me in. but if ada org lain nak masuk then i xyah masuk"

a few hours later...

"you're in! welcome. =)"

"darn it! i was hoping ada org lain nk masuk. i'm so not ready!!"

so that was how i got in. the idea of me joining is bizarre already. the fact that my team members would be 2 of the best speakers from unikl makes it hundred times bizarre. i'm so dead.

i told ikram that i would only shame them with my lack of vocabulary and my stupid stammer and thus leads us to losing the whole thing. i hate to be a weak link. but he said it would be my chance to debate (since i would be an adjudicator for the novice). well, i've forewarned him. if we fail, its not my fault.

may luck be on my side..

air kisses

debate

2009-03-02T11:30:00.002+08:00

novice competition's coming, and im not going to be a debator. darn it!!

ms hayati said im not experienced, and therefore i cant be a debator. what? so, im a liability now, huh? G.R.R!

truth be told, i was a bit scared to debate. because, this would be my first time. but then, when we had the practice with dale, i found some strength in me to overcome my nervousness and stage-fright. when i finally had it, she then changed me to an adjudicator. aiyoo miss!

the thing is on the 7th of march, at uitm shah alam. well, ya'll wont see me talking. im gon' be wit ma pen 'n paper, scribbling ya'll marks. (that was niggerish)

air kisses

frustrating silence

2009-03-01T02:56:00.003+08:00

im a big talker. and when i talk, i expect some feedback. but before i can gain any feedback, i would cut the other person off with words of my own. so, how can i get any feedback?

i have this weird and, obviously, bad habit of not listening to what other people are saying. because i want to get my points across and not even considering that the other party's points might be right. but then, i wouldnt get any reaction from the person im eg: arguing with. i would argue, and i would expect answers. but i refuse to listen to the answers and this leads towards frustration when they just stop talking at once.

frustration in my vocabulary means a negative emotion that is usually felt by a person when they dont get what they expect. silence is an excellent example of frustration. in the list of most things i hate, silence is one of the top 10's. silence happens when the other party refuses to answer and by refusing means they admit defeat. wait, scratch that. not admit defeat, but instead being the mature half of the 2 or more parties and just agreeing with the immature party about what is said and argued. this, to me says "arguing with you is not productive. i would say whatever, you'll still be contering me back". also, in a more succint manner, he/she is saying "whatever". urghh!! how frustrating can that be?

i've encountered a lot of similar situations. i am extensively not happy with this. why does people keep saying "whatever" to what i have to say. they just shut their mouth up and resting the case where i stopped. where are your sense of debating? sense of counter attack? is fright a factor? whatever it is, it is still very very frustrating. and i hate it. so much. i once cried because of my frustration. it was embarrassing, but tense situations get to me easily.

i would promise to try to listen to people's points next time and not POI them so much. (notice how much debate elements im using?) there is a quote from Epictetus saying that "We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak". so next time, i would listen more than jst talk crap. listening is the better half of an argument. ask Beyonce. she also agrees with listening.

Beyonce - listen

air kisses

next semester

2009-02-27T21:35:00.002+08:00

im thinking about staying outside next semester. it would be even more impractical because of the transportation and stuff, but in view of social problem, impracticality sounded way sweeter than social depravity. im sounding even more pathetic each day by saying this. but it is true. i tried to make friends, instead im getting the opposite. i dont know what went wrong (or i do?) and im kind of tired of being nice all the time. some people wouldnt agree when i say im being nice, but i say im way nicer than i was before.

kak fatimah once said that i have an ego the size of KLCC times 2. i do admit that. i am aware of my pride and non-apologizing attitude. i do have a reason for this. pride is not something you gain. it is branded into you since birth. you were born with whatever amount of pride that you have now. that's my theory. because i dont see me changing in the near future. though i tried (oh, how i tried) i just couldnt quite grasp the idea of me apologizing to something i do voluntarily. it is a very, very hard job. im the type who doesnt admit defeat easily. i refuse to. dont ask why, i just do. i feel like when we apologize it shows weakness. plus awkwardness would totally engulf me. and the one thing i hate most in situations is awkwardness.

i gain many haters for my infamous attitude. i just cant help myself. i would regret what i do (eg: argue with someone about my own weakness and try to make it seem as if it's the other person's fault). but i dont realize what i say when we argue. its as if this new being is controlling me. afiq said im possessed when i talk. well, maybe its true. i have this alter-ego which takes over myself internally when arguing about stuff. many was hurt in the process. not physically, of course, but emotionally and mentally. im very sorry. i really am. but i wont apologize face to face.

i really really need to do something about this hurting thing i do. i cant keep hurting people just because my alter-ego gets the upper hand. i have to learn to control my ego. it cant control me, i have to control it. what i do now is keep telling myself to watch what i say and try putting myself in the other party's shoes. and try to tone down my voice and learn how to listen to what people are saying. LISTEN. not just talk crap and shut the other person's words. plus, i cant keep believing that all i say is correct. other people have their own opinions. consider their POV also.

things are usually easier said than done. but i'll try my very best to overcome this sassiness of mine. i want to be a good person. who doesnt?

air kisses

wannur fatin fatihah

2009-02-27T21:29:00.002+08:00

here's a shoutout..

FATIN!! KITE RINDU AWAK! KENAPA LA AWAK TINGGAL KITE SORG2 KAT TEMPAT JIN BERTENDANG NI..

phew! fatin, my friend moved to rcmp. and i miss her like hell. she's got new friends there now. but she still contacts us here. but it's not the same as her presence here. when will she come here again..

maybe tomorrow i will ring her up or something. tell her about my dying boredom here. and my plans for next semester. im thinking about staying outside. well, that would be elaborated more on my next post.

air kisses

tagged from echa (gedik)

2009-02-27T13:48:00.011+08:00

The Rules are simple. Use google, etc to search for the answers to the questions below. then you must choose a picture in the first page of result and post it as your answer.

1. the age of my next birthday - 19

(this has nothing to do with 19. but it is the 1st picture)

2. a place i like to travel - latin amarica

3. a favourite food - sirloin steak

4. a favourite colour - pink

5. the city i live in - kuala lumpur

(this is so not kuala lumpur)

6. the city i was born in - kuala lumpur

*see picture above

7. bad habit - eating junk foods

8. college major - process engineering

9. name of my love - emile hirsch

would-be-tagged people :
- mim hashim
- jaja roslan
- anis syazana
- yuyu
- yg mengada tu pun boleh la buat

p/s: this is like my first ever tag received. so, i wouldnt be good at it.

air kisses

sorry 2009

2009-02-23T06:48:00.002+08:00

when u love someone or something, dont go all out. you'll end up losing it or hating it all over. the same thing goes to hate.

i got it full in my face. the embarrassment and shame. people wouldnt know. (or they would?) but either way, i still felt ashamed of myself. i shouldnt have gone brutal they way i did. i could have done it subtly and gently, without the usage of profanity and hateful remarks.

well, im here to apologize. PUBLICLY. for the way i acted. it was wrong and i admit it. im sorry.

its good not to have enemies. friends are definitely better. he was right, there. dude, i was such a loser back then. i should have known better. but now i do, though. actions regretted.

peace, brother! :D

love is in a container, sealed shut

2009-02-18T02:43:00.001+08:00

you, yes you!
i think I LOVE YOU

how easily said than done.
to say im in love is an over statement. im not IN LOVE. just that i like to pretend that i am. i've been waiting all my love to fall so deeply and wretchly in the feeling called love. is love worth falling for? yes. yes a 100 times.

so the big question is :
who is my love? anyone care to be one?

interested, call 1-800-nana-is-desperate-to-be-as-in-love-as-the-characters-from-judith mcnaught's-romance-novels.

mirror your advice

2009-02-07T12:07:00.004+08:00

someone once advised me. when did i ever asked for any? i can go to the counselors whenever i crave one. i have know idea why the sudden urge to give advices. maybe because this person is so fucking perfect that he/she can afford to be looked up to. maybe my flaws are one too many. since i am only human, and i am far from perfect. unlike this god-like being. so extremely perfect, giving advices, and got so fucking pissed when i refuse to listen to her. maybe his/her parents are perfect too.

well, he/she just have to deal with it.

his/her advices are :

jangan bajet sangat
jangan mencapap
mulut jangan lancang
jangan bukak tudung
jaga perasaan orang
jangan selfish

those are some of what she's not happy with me. now, let me say this. what kind of idiotic move to give an advice to someone who cares nothing less than whoever it came from? those advices are far from worth following. what kind of advice is "jangan bajet sangat"? how about my advice to this perfect being;

GET A FUCKING LIFE!

oh and another thing, dont bother visiting my blog. you're only tainting it. i dont need nor want whatever advices you want to give. why not you go pass around your advice to someone who wants them.

air kisses

jealous bitch

2009-02-06T14:06:00.004+08:00

some people just cant quite grasp the idea that someone else (me) is much better than them. what kind of UN-civilised people would sent such a degrading comment to a person? if she has a problem with me (i assume this is a 'she') why not tell it to my face. i wouldnt want to fight her off or anything. i believe that conversation is the best solution. in my opinion, this person is the kind who craves fights and arguments from people other than their kind.

well, to whoever you are, im not up for any fights you're planning. im a totally civilised and educated person. i was brought up with much kindness and loving from the people around me. i have wonderful parents who taught me to be good. i dont know about your parents, though. tak pandai membesarkan anak. i prefer to make peace not war. this might sounds like as if im scared. truth be told, i am scared. scared to the core of my being. scared that i might just break your neck.

im not tempting anyone to pick a fight with me. i just prefer to be me. mencapap or not-mencapap, i am who i am. try to turn the other way around if you hate my sight. because i wont change my mencapap-ness whether you like it or not. by the way, who says i like your sight so much? i may fucking hate the looks of you. you never know.

air kisses

Changes

2009-01-28T01:24:00.001+08:00

hello 2009! (sarcastic)

its been so long since my last entry. hmm.. not a surprise anymore there.

this is just a random post. i felt like writing one. about my second semester. i'm no longer nana the outgoing (cafeteria-going, more like it) laugh hard, smile a lot, kind of girl anymore. what happened last semester soured my mood for this semester. im not holding any grudges. just playing safe. by not playing at all.

im tired of being a person people wont like. my every move would be watched, since im wearing hijab now. or not watched? well, whatever.

im just clearing the air (in case anyone's wondering) that im a low-proflie, nothing-to-shout-about nana now. maybe when i'm a little "happier" or when my mood is lifted a notch, i would return back to the old nana. with the hijab, that is. fahim said im cold now. well, if that translated as me being un-hot now, i guess he's right. im no longer on fire. very dull, boring nana. cant wait to finish up the semester.

im so psyched about meeting new students for next semester. hopefully i could gain some friends who would like me as me. wanie is the one friend that im close with now. im also friends with the others, just not as close as before. fatin is a minus to our "group" now. maybe that could be the factor for my sour-ness this semester.

well, whatever (again)

air kisses

the awakening

2009-01-17T00:07:00.004+08:00

visit this

air kisses

it's in the air

2009-01-16T21:22:00.002+08:00

new semester, new crush.

like before, i dont know his name. i call him "abang handsome". sebab dia memang handsome, kot. duh..

so anyway, all i know is that he wore a pair of lacoste. saw him at the computer lab. and he is one fine man! on the way back, i saw him in a car. his friends' i think. and he smiled his private smile. not at me, but to himself. i interpret it as "damn, that girl is cute".

goodness, im in love! (kononnya)

air kisses

i dont care

2009-01-16T20:57:00.003+08:00

so he does read my blog. ugh.. like i care. just so he knows, i dont care. i really dont. maybe i did care before, but not anymore. he can do whatever fuck he wants. i am a bit embarrassed by my usage of foul languages to express my hatred, but that's it. i consider myself as a girl who doest come around a lot. you might not think so, but then again, i dont care. a girl as special as myself doesnt deserve to be treated the way i was. true that i had given him a hard time before. and karma. he gave it back to me. so now i guess we're even. once is enough. not to say that i was so fucking bumped by it now. becuase i really dont. it's just a matter of practicallity. and him in my life in any way is never close to being practical. i prefer someone who treats me like i should be treated.

you might be irritated and annoyed by my constant praises to myself. for the third time, i dont care. all in all, it was an experience. good and bad swirled together. when i really think about it, i dont want to be attached to someone like him. someone once said "you deserve better than him". i didnt realize that then, but now i do. im not looking down at anyone. and i dont expect everyone to look up to me. but theory is, he deserves someone who deserves him. and apparently, im not the one. and i deserve someone who deserves me. its not a matter of standards or looks or family background. it never was. its a matter of "click-ness".

friends? i think. he asked that of me. for us being friends. well, i dont really want to think about that. not because of my deep hatred. i can let go of that, albeit a hard job. but its just that i think i dont want to get caught up in anything. he didnt asked anything more than friends, but i dont fancy even that. our previous "misunderstanding" (as he said it) was like a bad omen for me. to not continue any realtionship/friendship with him. im a bit superstitious. deal with it.

well, a smile doesnt kill right? i guess i'll just smile whenever we cross directions. but no more than that. if ever there were to be a conversation between us, i wont volunteer to start. maybe yes, but that's only when i really really have to. that's it. his friends on the other hand, i dont have any problem with them. but if they choose to extend their loyalties to him by not even glancing in my direction, then, that's fine by me. i dont crave their attention. and they're no more as important as him in my life. and mine, theirs. im sure.

air kisses

a good year

2009-01-09T00:55:00.001+08:00

2009 is all about doing good. spreading good. and looking good.

support green. go green. im all over green now.

air kisses

registration

2009-01-09T00:04:00.003+08:00

'ssup homies.

okay, that was lame. whatever.

so anyway, registered at micet for second semester on the 7th. went with ayah. supposedly with both ayah and ibu. then ibu cant go since her friend from indonesia was coming over. ibu was substituted by abang. then abang cancelled since he had to go somewhere. im not sure where. so it was just me and ayah. fine.

left the house around 9.30 am. reached micet around 10.15 am. as always, after the toll, i would ask ayah to let me drive from there. and as always, he would let me. that was the only time i could drive, i thought. driving getting steadier. especially when driving his car. its a powerful car. a little gas could go 40 miles in a second. so the steadiness was considered a huge improvement on my half.

i was a bit show-off-ish when i entered micet's gates. people starts looking and wondering "who the devil is that cute little driver driving that BMW?" (a little exaggeration there). but they did look my way though. and i noticed this dude - whom i kind of know - was shocked to see me driving. i mean a girl, driving a beemer, in micet. that doesnt come around a lot. parked in front of the guy's block. intentionally.

saw kak fatimah and kak wawa. they were surprised of course, seeing me in hijab. (that's tudung in malay). and they complimented me, saying i look good in it. well, it was worth spending hours in front of the mirror for. a few acquaintances of mine was surprised to see me in hijab. shocked more likely. i think mostly because their image of me as a club-going bitch who breaks guys' hearts doesnt fit anymore. well, they can go to hell if they think that.

and i saw that dick. he was with his friends of course. they're inseparable. if you see one guy, you would see the rest of the guys. plus, its not hard to notice his cap-and-tight-tshirt-wearing from far. it was pure bliss watching him watch me get into the driver's seat of ayah's beemer. in my head, i said watch me, cock-sucker. and know what a dick you are for doing whatever you did to me. ha-ha.

went to Majlis Perbandaran Alor Gajah. ayah had to pay taxes for afamosa. and, of course, i drove there. waited in the car while we went inside. then drove again to get lunch at a nearby nasi briyani stall. it was good. the food. finished eating, went to afamosa to get some stuffs there. sent the stuffs to micet.

oh, i didnt mentioned. my room is C203. it couldnt get any better than that. 23. the number is forever significant in my family. from phone numbers to cars plate numbers. and now my room number. thank you, god. when i told ayah about it, he laughed. ironic.

no more business in alor gajah. time to go home. i would be coming back on saturday or sunday. or so that was what ibu said. i wanted to drive still. teasingly, i asked ayah to let me. and for the love of myself, ayah said yes. w-o-w. another blissfull moment. drove from micet to wangsa maju. and my driving was between good and excellent. but never bad. except for one incident. well, no need for me to tell you that.

average speed 120km/h. ayah said it was too fast. but he always drives over 140. but i slowed down a little anyway. but of course i couldnt help myself, i sped still. and slowed down when he noticed the acceleration. overall performance, good. i felt good. although a bit nervous at first. that was the longest driving for me. in terms of distance and time spent in the driver's seat. scratched that. i felt awesome.

while in the car, ayah got hold of ibu on the phone. switched to speaker. asked ibu to guess what i was doing then. she didnt believe me when i said i was driving. on the highway. well, ayah sent her a picture message of me driving. with the highway railing in the background. how's that, ibu. contentment wasnt satisfied. video conferenced with abang. while i was driving of course. ayah holding the phone in front of me. he was proud of me. of course! who wouldnt. take that, abang.

arrived home. told jaja about it. and she was like "shut up, na! shut up! you did?! shut up!!" that was all i heard. shut up. i grinned all the while. ariff's car was in front of the house when we arrived. apparently abang went with ariff to his rented house in subang. they took the estima. since his and ariff's car cant accomodate 2 mattresses. and ibu drove ariff's car for the day. fetching kikah from school. sending her to al-manar. (that's her religious classes). when it was time to fetch her from al-manar, ibu asked me to do it. and i got to drive ariff's car. it was a kelisa. cute little car. i laughed when i pressed the pedal. it was funny how it jolted forward. cute, in a way. kikah quoted "macam jalan kaki kan naik kereta ni". well, touche.

i slept early that night. exhausted for all the day's activities. hugely enjoyable, but equally exhausting. it was memorable. i just had to make an entry about it. ayah's trust in me driving has increased a notch. and i wanted that more than anything. good for me huh?

air kisses

after so long

2009-01-06T15:27:00.003+08:00

im thinking about quiting blogging. i dont know. blogging losts its appeal. help me regain that back.

nothing much has happened. just that i'll be continuing 2nd semester at micet. not so looking forward to it. have things to pack. a lot of things. havent started anything yet.

have to change sleeping pattern. not healthy. thinking about exercising on the weekends at micet. (pfft! as if). badmiton at night sounds nice.

find new friends. not saying that i'm ditching my old friends. just that, try finding one you can be comfortable with. have a few in mind actually.

practice washing dishes, clothes, making bed. basically make use to cleaning up. dont want old history to repeat itself. try to ignore sad nagging memory. one that makes your hatred double up.

make sure to finish assignments in time. no excuses now. attend classes regularly. no skipping. (unless necessary). remember that homeworks are more important than spending time at the cafeteria.

air kisses

news flash

2008-12-25T01:27:00.002+08:00

off to places for the next 4 days. wont be posting new entries in the nearest future. not that i have posted any, though.

ciao!

air kisses

the starter result

2008-12-18T19:01:00.002+08:00

it was not what i hoped it was. i didnt expect it to be a lot, but i hoped to god that it was. too bad. *sigh* chemistry made my pointer drop. well, there's an explanation for that. i didnt pass up my last report. no more of that kind of attitude next semester. friend's influence also contributed to my "main-main" attitude last semester. lesson learnt.

it was a lousy 3.31 . cant be too proud of it, when i have a C+ in my slip. how ugly it would look. A,A,B,A,A,A and suddenly C? UGH... that's all im saying.

maintain my effort, but change the attitude. im not saying that i put a lot of it in my studies last semester. but it was enough for me to get good grades, if not great. or maybe a bit more effort for next semester. but definitely a transformation of learning attitude. try not to bail on the replacement classes. close one eye on the teacher's crap teaching. shut your mouth, and stop complaining on the assignments. other than that, what else can you do, right?

support me on this mission of rejuvenating myself.

air kisses

clumsy

2008-12-16T02:30:00.001+08:00

saya pecahkan jam kat metrojaya avenue K. kene bayar RM12

brain

2008-12-16T00:04:00.002+08:00

its been a while since my last post. well, that's because i was a little unwell a few days ago. first, the ears, and after that, my brain.

it's like this. previously, i mentioned about ultracet which causes nausea. well, it was worse than nausea. i had migraine the next day. or maybe 2 days after my visit to the ENT specialist. it was a major one. i cant even lift my head. it was pounding so bad, felt like it was going to explode. told ibu about it, then she took me to gleneagles once again. but this time, we went to see a neurologist.

first, the doctor checked my blood pressure. he was about to wrap the velcro thing around my arm, when he noticed that my arm was twisted in a funny kind of way. i've stated this weird arm thing in one of my older posts. he was really fascinated by it. i mean, he looked awed by my arm. then he tested on my arms reflexes. i was like "dude, i have a problem with my brain, not my arms". my head was pounding all the while, and he was still checking my arms. he said that it was his first time seeing arms like mine. i told him i was born with this condition. he said it couldnt be. said that i probably twisted them when i was little and that i didnt recall it. maybe. i dont know.

so then he asked that i ran a CT scan. the room was damn cold. but it was cool though. pretty freaky when the machine made this weird wooshing sound. it was huge! the machine, i mean. i closed my eyes all the while. the nurse(?) didnt tell me to not open my eyes or anything, but to be on the safe side, i closed my eyes. well, i peeked a little in the middle of the scanning. and i saw this huge round ring spinning real fast above me. so that's where the wooshing sound come from.

we have to wait for an hour for the x-ray film. so ibu and i went to grab something to eat. it was lunch time, by the way. i had a minestrone soup. it was superb. but i didnt finish it though. couldnt stomach food when my head was spinning. after an hour, took the x-ray film, then went to the doctor's office again. he checked my x-ray. thank goodness there's nothing wrong with my brain. no tumor or whatsoever. alhamdulillah. the doctor said that migraine is hereditary. so, i got this from ayah. he gets migraine all the time. well, ayah scanned his brain last time. since its hereditary, i should scan my brain also, right?

so the doctor gave me medicines for the migraine. since my dad's paying for the scan, he gave us a discount for one of the medicines. imigran costs RM15 per tablet. thats crazy! when it was first introduced, a tablet costs RM45. but it's reduced now. another set of pills is sibelium. im suppose to take this at night only. before going to bed. it's cheaper, though.

phew! im so tired of going to the hospital. it's a good thing the place is near to my house. hopefully it'll be a long time to come for my next visit to the hospital.

air kisses

ear

2008-12-10T20:33:00.002+08:00

i've been having this ear problem since a week before semester break. that's, like, a month ago. i consulted ibu about it. through phone conversation. she said it could be that i have too much ear wax and it's causing my ears to hurt. i've had this problem before, when i was little. a few times actually. so she told me to put ear drops. i bought some at the pharmacy and asked kak fatimah to drop it in my ears at night.

i've been continuing dropping the oil in my ears, yet my ears hurt more each day. i was afraid it could be some other problem, like maybe something to do with the drums or whatever. i know that the drums are delicate. could i be going deaf? no fucking way!

i tried to ignore it. and the hurting went away. but it came again a few weeks ago. and it got even worse everyday. it was so bad, that it's starting to give me migraine. so i went to see a doctor. at a normal clinic. Dr. Krishnan was my neighbour. he lived nearby a while ago. but he moved somewhere else now. he's like a family doctor. we go to his clinic everytime anybody gets sick. so anyway, he checked my ear. said it was clean. no ear wax, whatsoever. but my drums were a little red. so he gave me another ear drops. for inflammation of the ear.

it didnt work. the drops he gave was like water. did nothing to ease away my hurt. i constantly complain about my ear to ibu. so she brought me to see a specialist at gleneagles. the doctor said my ears were fine. they're perfect. clean, and normal. so i asked "what could be the cause for this ache, then?". he said that it could be that my wisdom tooth is coming out. so he checked my teeth. once again, they're fine. clean, and normal.

then he sat back. since my ears and teeth are fine, he said that it could be caused by "short-circuit of the nerve". i was like "what the??". it means that the nerve could be sending false impulses to the ear, causing it to hurt. this nerve thing is random. anyone could get it. like headache, anyone could get headache, right. the short-circuit thing could effect other parts of the body as well. it just so happens that it effected my ears.

so then he gave me this medicine. to stabilize my nerves. but it has a side-effect. you would feel nauseous after taking it. and he was right. i felt downright nauseous. ugh! ultracet sucks! but, if it's for the benefit of my ears, then, what the heck right? i still feel a little achy at the ears sometimes, though.

air kisses

a tip

2008-12-09T02:13:00.003+08:00

here's a tip.

never sayang your soft cookie. it'll end up being a "hard" cookie.

my soft cookie, i sayang it soo much, i kept it. i eat one bite per day. because i sayang it so much. and i noticed it got harder everyday. it loses it's softness. no more chewy and gooey. argh, crap! have to buy another!

air kisses

photo mart

2008-12-07T20:03:00.003+08:00

this is for showing off. my old self, looking new.

tudung-wearing nana

mim, diba, nana

air kisses

hiburan

2008-12-07T13:06:00.003+08:00

i've finally found the perfect song for the situation. perfect! well, there are a few other songs which i think also falls in the same category.

Aly & AJ - Careful With Words
Aly & AJ - If I Could Have You Back
Britney Spears - Oops! I Did It Again.

If "you" are reading this, i recommend these songs for hearing.

air kisses

biskut lembut

2008-12-07T12:25:00.004+08:00

i love my soft cookie. i could buy hundreds and still want more. last time, this piece of goodness cost RM2.80 . now it's RM3.90 . imagine that. for a cookie, that's a lot.

so now, everytime somebody buys expensive unnecessary things, i would say

"berapa banyak soft cookies boleh beli dow!"

air kisses

burn to kill

2008-12-06T16:36:00.006+08:00

we argued about this last night. it was a spontaneous thing. since we conversed in malay, im going to write this entry in malay.

membakar duit untuk membunuh diri
is smoking necessary? i dont know what gives someone the urge to smoke, but smoke they do. adakah dianggap "cool" kalau merokok? merokok hanyalah memendekkan jangka hayat. itu yang kami telingkahkan dalam perbualan telefon yang berlangsung pada 4.30 pagi semalam. saya bukan perokok. dan saya bukan membenci perokok, tetapi amat amat tidak menggemari aktiviti merokok yang diamalkan oleh para remaja kini. saya tak faham kenapa perlu hisap rokok. asap rokok tu pahit, suka. makan ubat pahit, tak pula suka.

sekotak rokok mahal? tidak la mahal. tetapi, dari membeli rokok, baik membeli famous amos' soft cookie. terbaik. biskut itu sedap. rokok itu pahit, tidak baik untuk kesihatan. tell me, apa kebaikan yang ada pada satu batang rokok. kasi satu saja. sudah memadai. maybe i would even consider taking up smoking. bermacam taktik kerajaan guna untuk mengurangkan kadar perokok nasional. meskipun itu, tidak juga berkesan. mungkin ya, tetapi hanya buat segelintir masyarakat. malahan pula, bertambah bilangan perokok. lebih-lebih lagi dikalangan pelajar sekolah.

"saya tidak merokok, tetapi saya hisap cheroot". respons bodoh. kamu ingat saya bodoh? cheroot juga salah satu bahan tobacco. lebih kurang saja.

satu lagi issue, female smoker. rata-rata lelaki mengatakan perokok perempuan amat menjengkelkan. saya perempuan, saya kata perokok apa-apa amat menjengkelkan. what rights do men have when it comes to smoking? the issue here is not about male smokers or female smokers. the issue is about plain smokers. perempuan merokok dibenci. lelaki merokok, boleh? saya bukan nak membela hak perempuan untuk merokok. saya pun tak suka perempuan merokok. nampak tak manis. tetapi saya juga tidak membela lelaki yang merokok. in a nutshell, saya tak suka orang merokok.

buat kaum adam :
salah ke perempuan merokok? awak tu merokok tak pula salah. ada ke peraturan mengatakan perempuan tidak boleh merokok? setahu saya tidak. jadi jangan kamu beraja diri, melabel perokok perempuan tidak manis. kerana bagi perempuan, perokok lelaki itu tidak lah macho mana pun. konteks yang lebih kurang. lagi satu, kenapa mesti merokok? merokok itu best? merokok itu cool? merokok itu tampak macho? merokok itu melambangkan kelakian? ease away my constant curiosity.

buat kaum hawa :
mengapa mesti merokok? nampak istimewa? nampak lain dari yang lain? approval dari teman-teman? alasan yang tidak cukup kukuh untuk take up smoking. mungkin saya berat sebelah. kerana saya tidak merokok. tetapi tidak kah kamu juga berat sebelah terhadap kesihatan kamu? paru-paru kamu? keluarga kamu yang menjadi secondary smokers? tidak patut. jikalau kamu nak mati awal, pergi mati awal seorang. jangan drag orang lain sekali. mereka masih sayangkan nyawa mereka.

buat kaum bapa :
saya sebut bapa, kerana jarang dilihat ibu yang merokok. wahai bapa, mengapa kamu merokok? tidakkah kamu sayang anak-anak kamu? mereka tidak minta kamu merokok. mereka tidak minta kamu rosakkan kesihatan mereka. are they unlucky to be your children? dont you know that by your bad habit, it's making them ruin their own future? you are suppose to be their idol. children look up to their parents. by showing bad examples, how do you expect them to be a good person when they grow up? i'm not saying that smokers have bad attitude, but smoking is clearly not a good thing to do. i am lucky to have a non-smoking father. thank you ayah for not smoking. you are indirectly teaching your kids to smoke. teaching your kids to kill themselves, just like you're killing yours. bad move, daddy.

dengan itu, saya mengkonkluskan bahawa, merokok itu tidak berfaedah. saya juga ingin reach-out terhadap ibu bapa disana supaya tidak mengajar anak anda merokok. anak-anak adalah harapan ibu bapa. jika anak kamu tidak turn out menjadi apa yang kamu harapkan, wajarlah kamu muhasabah diri dan lihat mana silapnya didalam cara kamu membesarkan anak. saya sayang ibu bapa saya. mereka juga sayangkan saya. mereka tidak merosakkan saya. saya adalah harapan ibu bapa. saya ingin berjaya seperti apa yang ibu bapa saya harapkan. ibu bapa saya mendoakan kejayaan saya. saya gembira dengan hidup saya.

air kisses

anybody there?

2008-12-03T11:39:00.002+08:00

currently sitting on ayah's desk. feeling extremely bored. ayah asked ibu to sit in for him at the office. since uncle halim is on leave. and he himself having a round of golf with a few of his friends. kak linda no longer works here anymore. so, ibu asked me to accompany her here. this place is so boring. cant even find phone reception here. how sad is that?

i had to wake up early for "work". the time shows 11.44am. i came here even earlier than that. like maybe 10.00am. that is way earlier than my usual wake up time. my IM contacts are more or less still asleep. i have no one to chat with. just me...

oh god! ease away this boredom!

air kisses

10th DEC

2008-12-03T02:23:00.002+08:00

cant wait for my results. cant wait to find out if im stupid or not. not the other way around. =) wish me luck, people!

quite something there

2008-12-03T02:15:00.004+08:00

watched a movie just now. with ibu and kikah. (laptop movie) i was watching "american pie" alone at first, then ibu came, and so i had to change movies. she said she was bored and need company. so we watched "i am legend". it was a fucking cool movie! i cried, though.

so anyway, there's this part in the movie, where the zombie thing suddenly pops out of the dark alley, and ibu screamed like there's no tomorrow. i was like, "ibu, chill." it was soo sudden. as if she faked her scream. then i laughed. hard. kikah also laughed. oh man, you should have heard her scream. it was quite a shrill man.

and after that, kikah and i totally imitated her scream. and she joined us. imitating her own scream. it was so pathetic. we had a good laugh though.

ibu, ibu....

air kisses

i have standards

2008-12-02T01:05:00.004+08:00

who do they think i am? do they expect me to simply comply to whatever they say? am i that gullible? well, news flash, i'm not! i have a brain, i think. and i think that going out with strangers is not good for me. people would say i'm old fashion. if that's who you think i am, then, that's fine. i am old fashion. so what?

i have standards. even though i say i'm open minded, i have certain qualities in me that keeps certain things at bay. i dont let people take advantage of me. not that i'm easy to take advantage of. do i look like i'm asking for it? no, i dont think so. some say i'm playing hard to get, i say, im not really playing at all. it's just the way i roll. maybe i'm naturally hard to get. or you're just playing on an easy mode. like i said before, i have standards.

i'm not saying that i'm a high class chick, who only goes for the best there are. that's not true. it's just that i'm picky on certain things. i eat at mamak, i also eat at five star restaurants. not that i prefer five star restaurants, though. i was brought up the way i was. that's not a reason for you to condemn me. i dont have your parents, so i dont live by their standards. and by that, i dont live by your standards too.

i prefer to speak english if i want to. i dont see the problem in that. you would bitch me still if i speak spanish. what language can i speak then? have i ever commented on your street talking before? i think not, but forgive me if i do. i'm tired of people being "jealous" of who i am and what i can do. i'm saying jealous because that is the only explaination i can think of. why would people be so hard on me being what i am. not all people can be you, so just shut your yap up.

this is a clearing up. are we clear now?

air kisses

a new look

2008-12-01T01:32:00.003+08:00

fahim setan was mad at me when i told him i decided to wear tudung. he also said that he wouldnt want to be friends with me anymore. and also not going to talk to me in college. said it was too kampung for him. and he only befriends "bandar" people. so, tudung-wearing girls are kampung to you then, mr. fahim? well, suit yourself.

on ibu's birthday, she requested that i wear tudung. that was her wish. and i'm going to fulfill that wish for her. it's also my wish for me to wear tudung. i just need the right time. and i felt that today was it. sampai bila nak jahil?

now that i'm wearing tudung, that doesnt mean that i would change my personality. i'm still the same old nana. laugh-hard nana. dirty-jokes nana. free-willing nana. dont worry people. i'm still approachable. it's just that this nana is wearing tudung now. it's not as if i'm a total ustazah now. soo NOT!

good for me, huh? =D

true friends support each other. support me if you're my friend, fahim. please. you're a great friend and i dont want to lose you as a friend.

air kisses

love lost

2008-11-30T19:55:00.002+08:00

i've been abondoning my books ever since i entered college. i really need to start reading again man. people say when u get bored, get a hobby. that was it. reading was my hobby. and it still is. it's just that i seem to not have enough time to read. okay, that's a lie. i have loads of time, but i prefer not to read. that sucks dude. what is up with me lately?

i think it's because of this new love i'm finding in my laptop. and that causes me to abondon my loyal books. this has got to stop. equalize my love to both my books and my laptop.

enough said.

air kisses

2008-11-30T19:42:00.002+08:00

well, as usual, i didnt do what i said i would. ntah pape arh, nana.

air kisses

happy birthday ibu

2008-11-29T23:13:00.003+08:00

30th November is ibu's birthday. that would be tomorrow. i thought about doing something nice for her. because to buy her a present is out of my league. her tastes are high, and usually recquires a lot of money. since i'm broke, i cant buy her anything.

so, about this thing i want to do. i dont know what nice things to do though. every year, ibu's birthday would be the most somber birthday. kesian ibu.. but it's true. ayah especially, would always forgets her birthday. us siblings never forget ibu's birthday. but we dont usually buy her anything though. because what is there to buy? thought about buying her a cake. and, what else? what else can we do that would celebrate her special day. if i ask ayah for money to buy ibu a present, what would i buy? count flowers out. because we bought her those last year. and it wilted and got thrown away.

ibu always plans everyone else's birthday. but when it comes to her birthday, nobody plans hers. kesian ibu!! well, the least i can do is help her around the house. or maybe prepare breakfast. oh wait!! i have an idea!!

i would browse the internet and find a recipe for some interesting food to cook for her. its a common fact that i dont know how to cook. thats why when i do cook, its going to be for a special occasion. hope we have the ingredients at home. well, wish me luck people!

air kisses

what's new?

2008-11-29T03:02:00.003+08:00

what am i to do? i know it's a long time to come until we have to get back to college, but are you seriously going to wakeup at 3.00pm everyday, nana? wake up and smell the coffee. oh wait, my bad, there are no more coffee in the afternoon. bibik pun dah basuh dah coffee pot.

my sleeping patterns are seriously off. i should be sleeping now, instead of writting another entry. ibu would say "tak ikut sunnah nabi". and i would reply back "oh sorry. i'm still getting used to the different time zone. you know, jet lag." and she would hit me with one of my many pillows. she likes pillows though.

everyone is always mad at me if i wake up late. like, why? it's not like i'm in anybody's way. and it's not like i have anything to look forward to in the morning. except for breakfast. which is usually weird stuff on the table. what a sorry excuse for food. my bibik, she doesnt do variety. i remembered when i was back in school, she would serve frozen food for breakfast. only frozen food. like nuggets, and whatever "balls" there are. unlike ibu, she loves variety. but sadly, she doesnt cook much. says she's too lazy. she's more to house decorating, shopping, hi-tea with the ladies, etc. so i would just have to make do with whatever served. now, in college, i dont have breakfast at all. just coffee on my way to class. beli dekat staff cafe. bad coffee, but at least something.

change of plans. no more staying up late. more waking up early. at least try, nana. like, maybe, half an hour earlier. please.

how weird was that? i'm begging at myself. pathetic, nana. ok, i'm going to stop talking to myself now. peace!

air kisses

nanaroslan.uglyblog.com

2008-11-29T02:13:00.003+08:00

i tried to change my blog layout, cause i was getting tired of the old one. it was mainly white and yes, dull. but hey, look at my new blog layout. it's also white and, well, dull.

*sigh*

i seriously dont know how to navigate this html stuff. (how many times have i repeated that?) but its true. i seriously suck. i've tried many times, but i usually ended up over-doing it or worse, a blank page. i tried to be creative. like maybe insert a picture, play with the colour scheme, or whatever. but it will never turn out good. so im stuck with using this provided blog template. which is not all that bad. but not that great either.

how do i make my blog look interesting? my entries are dull enough. so i thougt maybe i could make it up by having a beautiful blog. ha ha.. as if! who's going to read it anyway, nana? it's just you. so, shut up. bak kata fahim "diam ah."

air kisses

read my lips

2008-11-21T20:28:00.001+08:00

notice the change in my blog name? well, the other day i felt like changing it and so i did. it's not that i dont like "written on stones" it's just that i suddenly realized that the sentence is wrong. i mean you cant "write" on stones. you can carve on them though. so, it's suppose to be "carved on stones" or even better "drawn on cave walls". you know, things like that.

but then those titles are so archaic and i decided to change it into a more cheeky, modern title. one that i use often and suites my personality best. i like to emphasize the "r" in words. like "whateverrr" or "loserrr" or "laterrr". so i think "read my lips" is a more suitable title for my blog in line with my blog entries. it may seem unrelated to you, but it does mean something to me. the new title and the "r" emphasis thing. =)

so there you go. why i changed my blog title. i thought about changing the theme of my blog too, but i dont know how to navigate this html stuff. so maybe i'll let someone help me. anyone?

air kisses

things we enjoy

2008-11-21T15:33:00.003+08:00

things we enjoy, eventhough it's stupid :

the staring game.
when someone sneezes, we laugh. dont we? i do though.
drumming on the table. annoying and stupid. yet people cant stop doing it.
humming a tuneless tune.
the would-you-rather game. it doesnt mean anything. we just like playing.
doodling. my all time favourite.
scribbling. also a favourite of mine.
makeovers. dont you just love to play with the eye-shadows when you're alone in the room? then wipe it all off? i love doing it.. really, i do.
checking and re-checking your text-message box. lame and stupid. but we do, dont we?
taking pictures of your vain self and deleting it, because it's ugly, and you dont like it anyway. you just like to take pictures of yourself. especially using your camera phone.
trying on shoes at the shoes department. very very enjoyable. it's not like you're buying, you just like to try.
switch handphones with your boyfriend or girlfriend. i've never done this before because i've never had a boyfriend, but i've seen my brother doing so. and also some other people.
the who-can-hold-their-breath-longer game.
making bubbles with our saliva.
chewing gum. you cant swallow it. no point of putting it in your mouth. but i love gum!

there you are. 15 stupid things we, humans, enjoy. =)

air kisses

we're over

2008-11-21T14:03:00.004+08:00

is it jealousy? because i'm really not jealous. i think. anyhow, he's totally making my blood boil. how could he not? stupid!

last night he called my sister. can you believe that? he barely knew her, and suddenly he wants to call her. like, what the fuck?! i think i may have been a little bit jealous. because he called someone he barely knew instead of someone who called him the day before, and used up all of her credit to do so. stupid move, nana. you shouldnt have called him. stupid!

i felt stupid! it shows how he doesnt like me calling him. because he doesnt like me. well news flash, i dont like you either!! i felt so embarrassed. i called someone who doesnt want to be called because the next day, he called my sister instead of me. what the fuck!! god, i'm so angry! with myself! i shouldnt have called him. i shouldnt have!

maybe he did that out of retaliation. because he felt stupid after what he told asan about me. which i asked him to. and when asan and i met, i acted like nothing happened. he felt it was a waste of his time saying whatever he said and i didnt appreciate his effort.

as if it's a big deal! i told him that i'm going to stay friends with asan. not that i'm going to totally hate him or not ever talking to him or whatever. and he agreed. he even asked me to do exactly that. yet last night, he even told me that he felt stupid for telling asan because it clearly didnt have any effect. he is sooo like whatever!

i dont like him anymore. i thought that we could be friends but i'm changing my mind. i dont want us to be friends anymore. just a distance acquaintance. it's not worth having a friend like him. i'm done!

air kisses

emotionally exhausted

2008-11-21T01:02:00.005+08:00

i'm currently exhausted. emotionally. really really exhausted. i'm tired of pretending, tired of lying, tired or holding back, tired of feeling, tired of not feeling, tired of self-sympathy, tired of everything. it's all so complicated! but i got no one to blame but myself. i deserved what i got.

it's so depressing telling it, so i think i better keep this to myself. not talking about it somehow makes it unreal. and that's what i really want it to be. unreal. imaginary. at least in my head. this entry is about letting out my feelings. not tell about my problem. it's not a problem actually. just a major disaster. but a silent one though. one that eats up your life. like a computer virus. lurking in the computer without the user's knowledge. and all of a sudden, everything's gone. your files are all infected. and there's just no chance of you to take back your files or documents. all you can do is create new ones and be done with what's gone. hmm.. in short, move on..

move on. a simple action. yet soo hard to perform. because action involves emotion. anything that revolves around emotion is always hard to carry out. we become extra sensitive, extra proud, extra jealous, extra angry, extra excited, extra extra extra. emotions are the one thing that is hardest to deal with. but we keep coming at it everytime..

i decided that i will have to move on with my life. at least physically if not emotionally. causing someone pain is more pain upon you than upon them. i've encountered such feeling and it was bad. worse than you could imagine. i'll try my best to look the other way and keep moving in that direction. forget about what's behind and focus on what's in front. an english proverb states that there are plenty more fishes in the seathat is so true. there are many others which are more suitable out there. all you have to do is just set the bait, and reel it in. catch and release. if you keep trying, you will at least get 1 fish if not many fishes. just believe. like the mariah and whitney song - when you believe. cool song though. very uplifting and inspiring.

so i guess i'll just have to believe that i can. i can move on. i believe that i can. and i believe that i can move on if i believe in it. i believe. i can. i believe. i believe. believe....

air kisses

fucking stalker

2008-11-19T15:38:00.005+08:00

ok!! i admit! i'm a fucking stalker!! oh god... this is so not happening..

it's like this. you know from my previous blog entry that i had reactivated my myspace account. and so i've been busy adding people up. my old friends that is. it's kind of hard though, cause you dont know where to search for them. so anyway, i remembered afiq told me that he has a myspace account. so, i tried to look him up. and i found him. but i didnt added him as a friend though. haha! this was when i stalked...

i was checking out his page. then i came across echa's page. she has a myspace account? yeah, she does. i dont know what came on to me, to check her page up. oh my god! i'm so embarrassed of myself. but checked her page i did. and when i say "checked" i was unaware that i was actually "stalking" her every moves. oh god, oh god! what is up with you nana?! from there, i got to know that she has a blog. and i stalked that too. she's a new blogger. but, whatever. that's not the point. the point is, i stalked someone! like, why?!

i've been ranting and going on and on about how much i hate stalkers, yet there i was, stalking someone else's live. you should be ashamed of yourself, nana! like, why would i want to know what someone else is living like? why would i care if she has 3000 friends? why would it matter if she has a blog? why, why, why...

i seriously need an attitude make-over. no more stalking, no more busybody-ing in someone else's live. try to make my life as perfect as it can, and improve my weaknesses. not looking into a person's personal world. okay! enough is enough. i promise i'll try not to stalk someone again. it's a really immature thing to do. and i'm a mature woman.

peace!

air kisses

mara loan

2008-11-18T00:53:00.003+08:00

oh god, this loan thing is making me crazy! there are a lot of procedures. this person's signature, that person's signature. this document, that document. pheww!! it really is crazy. and tiring. no wonder people go for the other loan. what was it? PTPN? or PTPTN. im not sure. but it has the letter P, T, N.

micet is so out of it's mind! can you imagine, we got the agreement a few days before semester break and we have to pass up all of the documents like, 4 weeks after that. by hand! that means, we have to go back home, get all of those stupid signatures, and then come back to micet and pass the thing. that is just plain stupid. i asked abang whether he had done the loan thing yet, and he said that his are all settled. micet bodoh!

i heard from the others that micet students will receive the loan money on the 3rd semester. that is soo crazy!! other unikl students receive the loan on the 2nd semester. that is not fair! we need money too!

i hope to god that it's only a rumour. because i totally need money, i've been fantasizing about buying new stuff for next semester. and if i dont receive any loan money from mara, i'm totally going to have to wear out-dated clothes.. well, its not like i cant asked ibu to let me buy new clothes, but, you get my point.

well, emotions already stable, peace!

air kisses

myspace

2008-11-17T23:55:00.004+08:00

well, semester break had just started. another boring chapter of my life also started. AGAIN! what would i do for 1.5 weeks? *sigh* i have no idea what to do. we all say we look forward to the holidays. yet when it arrives, we wish to god we were back in college. how hypocrytical humans can be.

when we're bored, we tend to do things we totally wouldnt do. i so-called "promised" that i wouldnt start myspace-ing anymore. but now, look who's talking. i have a myspace account now! surprise, surprise...

well, i didnt create one, actually. i reactivated it. i've always had it, but i was inactive. and so, i am now a myspace user. tadaa!! cool huh.. oh, and this entry is also to promote my myspace. add me up people.

www.myspace.com/nana23

my page are basically empty. no fancy backgrounds or whatever. i'm still trying to figure out the links and whatever stuff that are on my page. last time, it was a bit simpler. now, it looks more complicated. i need jaja's help to try to sort it all out. she's a user too. she had deleted her account way back then, and now she started a new one. maybe a few months after that. i dont know why she deleted it in the first place though.

well me, i was inactive because i cant delete my account. i tried, but it has to have an email confirmation of some sort. but i cant remember my password to my email. so i kind of let it be. i deleted all of my friends, my pictures, details about me, and set my page to private. but i left the comments out though. i would have to delete it one by one, and i'm too lazy to do so.

the reason i was inactive was because this one misunderstanding with this bitch i hate. well, i dont know her, really, and it's not right to call someone a bitch, but she really is one. you see, it started out like this. one time, i got a text message from an unknown number. she said "hey bitch, kau sombong dengan aku eh". i was like what the fuck? who is this person, suddenly calling me a bitch? and so i didnt reply her text message. or i did? i cant remember. but the point remains, this bitch started it all up. i was totally innocent. i didnt know her then, and i still dont now.

and after that text message, she keeps texting me and calling me names. and i replied back in the same manner. well, you would have done the same thing. or not. but, whatever it is, i was young, and i've got rebellion blood running through my veins. i thought well, two people can play the game, and so i went nasty. then, i've got nasty myspace messages from someone, calling me names, and i knew it had to be the same person. i honestly dont know where she got my number from, but she did. the name-calling and nasty-talking went on for quite a while. i told my friends about this and they helped bitching the bitch up for me. it was soo cool! but after a while, i got tired of it. and i decided the only way to stop her from talking nasty to me, is to delete my account. it was no big deal. i was about to delete it anyway, because i was bored of myspace-ing. and so, i deleted it.

now, i dont think i would have any bitch talking shit at me again. well, at least i hope not. remember, add me up people!

air kisses

a new song

2008-11-14T15:15:00.002+08:00

i love anything inspirational. books, movies, songs. i copied some songs from kak fatimah's external hard disk. but i havent listen to all of them yet. a few days back, i came upon the song

"NOTE TO GOD" - JOJO

there's nothing much about the music, it was only accompanied by a piano, but the lyrics was something else. i was very inspired. especially the part where she sings "i'll ask for war to end and peace to mend". i feel very strongly about wars. in fact, i feel strongly about anything violent. i'm hard on the external, but deep down, i have a soft heart.

the lyrics, got me going. i fell in love with the song right after i listened to it. it's a beautiful song. i totally recommend it.

air kisses

who would've thought?

2008-11-14T15:00:00.002+08:00

it was a huge bummer. barrack obama is the next future president of united states of america. who would've thought? a black man, who had a muslim father, with a last name rhyming with osama, is the occupant-to-be of the white house. should it be the "black" house now?

all of these, shows how the truly impossible thing could actually be possible. 20 years back, you would never conjure up your mind that a black person could rule america. you're proved wrong. i asked myself, could the same thing happen to our political world? could anwar ibrahim take pak lah down, and replace him? when anwar has been accused of sodomizing, publicly humiliated, thrown into prison, and all other bad rumours about him being aired in the national television, actually become the next prime minister? when it happens, that would be the perfect turn over.

wake up, people! lets make some huge changes in our lives. a lot of impossible things turn possible are in front of you. lets make our own history.

air kisses

shout out

2008-11-14T14:57:00.002+08:00

this is a big shout out to my sister, RAHAIZA ROSLAN;

welcome to the blogging world!! you're now a blogger. so, blog well..
love ya, sis! xoxo!

air kisses

who's the bitch here?

2008-11-10T21:05:00.004+08:00

some people, they just beg for us to hate them. too bad, "you" are one of them!

she called herself a friend, yet she threw shit in my face. where is the fairness in that? and this all happened becase of some stupid misunderstanding which she started. big deal!! well, guess what?? good riddance!! its a good thing we are at the end of the semester. i wouldnt have to face you for the next month and a half.

air kisses

1,2

2008-11-10T02:40:00.003+08:00

oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!! its been sooooo long since my last entry. i almost thought about cancelling this blog account. but then, why delete? so anyway, a lot of crazy things had been going on in my life lately. there're just tooooo much to tell. i dont know where to start!!

well, first of all, guess what? i got a new laptop!! its sooo cool!! its a dell laptop, and its PINK!! how cool is that huh?! its what i've always wanted. i've been asking ayah to buy me one since, like, forever. and i finally got it! thank you ayah! so so much!! i love ayah! the story of how i got it was so cool. its like this :

that day, i was soo stressed about doing my assignment. and i called jaja. i just had to tell someone. but she had to attend her tuition class and so she passed the phone to ibu. i didnt want to talk to ibu about it at first, afraid that she wouldnt understand, but i did. i told her about this assignment i had to pass up in a few more days, and that i havent done a single thing yet, because i have no laptop to do so. and i cried. you would too if you were in my position. the assignment was a hard one. the one which recquires a lot of time doing it. and i had to do it in, like, 3 days. imagine that! and so i cried, and cried. all the while still talking to ibu on the phone. at the time, i was on my way to class. i was walking with anis and fatin. and they heard our conversation (a very teary one). ibu told me to calm down, and try my best to finish the assignment as soon as i can. and she promised not to be mad at me if i had to repeat the subject. she said she would totally understand. she is such a cool mom.... i love you, ibu! after i hung up the phone, i entered class and acted normal. the day after, i was in my room, trying my best to finish up the assignment using fatin's laptop. and ibu called. she asked me whether i've eaten or not. she was afraid that i would starve myself, finishing up my work. i said "that's crazy. im not that desprate." and she laughed. 5 minutes after i hung up, there was a knock on the door. surprise! surprise! it was ibu!! it was my mother, standing in front of my room in micet, melaka!! i was soo shocked!! but i didnt scream. i just stood there, and had this blank, stupid look on my face. what is my mother doing here? and with her, was this black backpack and it had a "dell" logo in front of it. oh my god!!! major OH MY GOD!! ibu brought me a laptop all the way from kl!! and still, i had that blank, stupid look on my face. what the hell is wrong with me? my mother brought me a laptop for me and i went blank?? so anyway, i opened the bag, and inside, was this perfect pink laptop. i just knew that right then, i was in love.... ibu just smiled and said nothing. oh, i forgot to tell. a ribbon was attached to the bag. like a present. aaww.... that was soo sweet... ibu told me that ayah and abang were downstairs, at the cafeteria. and we went down. i hugged ayah and abang. ciwan was also there, since he's a friend of abang's. it was kind of embarrassing having people seeing us there. but what the heck, my parents and brother came. its not like im hugging some stranger. so anyway, ayah teased me a little. he said that he bought the laptop that morning and sent it here the same night. god, i have such wonderful parents. i love them sooo much! we had a little conversation about how i'm coping in micet. and then they took their leave. i saw that abang was a little jealous of me. why would he be? i mean, he had one, but it got stolen and ayah bought him a desktop. its immobile, but its still something right. whatever, abang... and so they left.

so thats my story of how i got my perfect little pink laptop. =)

what's next? ah, yes... about afiq. oh god! this is another chaotic problem. theres just too much to tell. how do i start.. this is how it goes :

in my previous entry, i mentioned about this afiq guy. he likes me. but im not sure whether our feelings are mutual or one-sided, on his behalf. so anyway, he got my number and we flirted around a little. via text-messages. for, maybe, a few days. i felt comfortable chatting with him. he's a great guy. but somehow, i dont feel any connection. he's a really cool friend. we laughed a lot together, we exchanged jokes. but like i said, i dont feel any connection. a boyfriend, girlfriend kind of connection. but i didnt want to believe that. because i like being with him, i convinced myself that i "like" him, when in actual fact, i just like him in a friendly kind of way. and so i pretended that i like him. and made him believe that i like him as much as he likes me. that was a wrong thing to do, i know that, but i did it anyway. and i felt so bad afterwards. and so we pretended we were a couple. well, i pretended that we were a couple. and i hated myself everytime i did that. everytime i see him, i hate myself even more for playing with his emotions. he once said the "L" word to me, but i didnt have the heart to reply back. i can pretend, but saying the word is beyond my ability to lie. he was kind of surprised about it, but i told him that it was too soon to say it. and it was! why would we want to rush? people used the word "LOVE" like it's some toy. they toss it around like it's nothing. to me, love is suppose to be sacred. its one of the strongest word, and deals with the strongest emotion. i dont dare to use the word in vain. i bet he said "i love you" to his ex-girlfriend all the time when they were dating. and when he dictated the love word to me, it felt nothing. just an empty flattery which is suppose to make me melt, which i didnt. i was so mad about that. but i couldnt say that to him without offending his feelings. and so i let it be. we continued pretending until this one period of time. i could not take it anymore. the emotional burden was just too much for me. i couldnt pretend no longer. i just had to tell him the truth because i was so tired of lying. the exhaustion was too much to endure. it effected me more than i imagined it would. and i so, i asked to meet him one afternoon. and he agreed. we met at the cafeteria. and i couldnt look at him. i felt like crying everytime i glanced at him. so i asked if we could take a walk. and he agreed once again. i didnt know where to start. the first thing i mentioned was that i was sooo sorry and i hope that he would forgive me. he was a bit shocked. and i continued appologizing and suddenly my voice changed. i realized that i was starting to cry! i was shocked, and imagine how he reacted! i cursed myself, saying i was such a bitch. i kept repeating the word, and then back to appologizing. finally he got it. i told him that i was so wrong. i played with his emotions. and i know that i was such a bitch for doing so, and that i'm sorry from the bottom of my heartless heart. god! it was a very emotional situation. at last, i told him the truth. i told him that i've been pretending to like him from the start. i did all that just to make him happy. because i didnt have the heart to turn him down. and it got worse. i convinced myself that i'm going to like him sooner or later, but it just didnt came. the feeling never came. and that was when i decided that i had to tell him before things got worse. he was very very silent after that. as if trying to take all of it in. and i waited for his reply. but he didnt say anything. i told him that i would totally understand if he hates me. he can call me any names that he wanted, and i wouldnt mind. because it was all my fault. but being a great guy that he was, he said nothing. and finally he smiled. he said that he wasnt mad at me, and that he forgave me. i dont know whether its real or not, but i was glad and relieved. afterwards, we took a walk some more, and then got back to our rooms. but we were okay. and we still are. i mean, we text each other sometimes. i really REALLY didnt want our friendship to end. because he is such a great guy. (how many times have i mentioned how great he is?) and i was sorry we didnt go any further. he deserves a better woman than i am. truly he does....

so that was the story!

pheww!!! god! this typing thing is sooo tiring! i wrists hurt so bad. that is all for now. im tired of typing. peace!

air kisses

afiq

2008-10-22T17:59:00.002+08:00

afiq, kite malu!! my biggest mistake is to let u read my blog... (ok, not really THE BIGGEST). no nasty comments ya! remember, this was written before we got close.

im suffering

2008-10-18T12:39:00.003+08:00

i'm suffering from a social complication. it's so hard. i dont know what's wrong with my head. everything was so normal before. and it was easy. and suddenly THIS happens. i seriously feel like crying here. i want to be everyone's favourite person. but i cant. because then, i would only hate myself.

i just wish that i could make everyone happy. but you just cant please everyone. i have my own feelings to consider. is your feelings more important than mine? cant i be happy too? i'm also human, you know. i dont feel that its right for you to judge me when you're all the same. i'm not saying that you judged me, but i'm afraid that you would.

i'm sorry i cant be who you want me to be. i so want to take your feelings into consideration, but dont my feelings matter? i'm not saying that i hate you and i cant stand the sight of you. that is not true. its just that i feel like things are going too fast. i've only been here for 3-4 months, and suddenly i'm acquiring, how you say, a special friend? that's way too fast. i like you, really, i do. i think that you're a great person. and i really think that we would make a cute couple. its just that.....i dont know. maybe the time was not right. i mean, if we were in a different situation, i think that we may just be dating right now.

i hope that we would be friends. i know that we've never spoken before, but, i'm sure that when we do, we're going to have great conversations. but right now, i dont feel the connection. maybe not yet. i really REALLY hope that you would understand. even if you dont, pretend that you do. and maybe try to put yourself in my shoes.

this is for afiq. even if he cant read this, it feels good to let it 0ut of the system. at least one burden is lifted off the shoulders. i dont know who else to tell. and writing it down is good enough...

air kisses

it has been a while..

2008-10-18T05:25:00.003+08:00

it has been a while since my last blog entry. things are a lot crazier these days. there's so much to tell. so many actvities. so many gossips. so many problems... wow. how i wish i could freeze time and kind of sit here where i am and try to sort things out more efficiently.

but the most crucial of all of my problems is this:

i have this friend. who is supposedly my "brother". well, he reminds me of my brother, and i told him so. after that statement, he kind of thought of himself as my brother. anyway, enough about him.

he has this friend. whom i knew. and he told me that this friend of his likes me. before this, i had mentioned that his friend was kind of cute. and he took that remark as a positive reaction towards the guy liking me and stuff. well, at first i think i kind of like him too, but after a while i kind of like thought about it even more, and realized that i have actually been convincing myself about liking this guy. that is not cool. because in the actual fact, he's just a random guy crushing over a random girl. and i took it as a major love thing. even worse, i think the guy must have mistook my reaction as a positive feedback. i dont know what to do at first, but then i asked my mother's opinion. i admit that i may have been showing him a glimpse of hope, that i would consider being his girlfriend. but, as i said before, i'm not really sure that i LOVE this guy. just a major mixed-up of feelings on my half.

ibu told me, that i have been rushing things on. as you well know, i dont have a boyfriend and i think i may have let people see how desperate i am to have one. i am not desperate actually. i'm just bored. and i want to add some colour into my life. some splashes of fun so that my life could actually be worth remembering. not that i would die if i dont have a boyfriend, but, you know what i mean. so anyway, ibu told me that i should not pursue whatever this guy is thinking of me and vice versa. i mean, i barely know this dude. and then suddenly, "BOOM", we're dating. thats not right. relationships shoudnt be rushed. love is sacred. not that there is any between us.

while i was convincing myself about this "love" thing, i have been treating him like he's a major somebody in my life. you know, the usual text-messaging, complimenting, flirting, blushing, and so on. and that is what i meant by accidentally giving him hope. i'm the bitch here, i confess. so, what should i do now? should i just continue treating him the way i was? or should i think about what's coming next. like maybe, when we actually do continue with the relationship, meaning, date him. i absolutely know that if that happens, i would never be satisfied with the relationship. i would only be living a lie, putting up a charade, pretending i'm "in love" with him when in the actual fact, i'm not. that is even meaner. or should i just tell him straight that "we should be just friends". gosh, i dont know.. its so crazy! my head hurts thinking about it.

the worst part, is that he has been telling his friends about their opinion of me. "is she good for me?" "should i go for it?" "what do you think?". damn, thats embarrassing. imagine how he would feel if i turn him down. i'm such a bitch man... he once dedicated the song "fall for you - secondhand serenade" to me. he told me to listen to the song and read the lyrics as well. its kind of him to do so. no one has ever dedicated a song to me before. and he is such a great person. its just that i dont feel anything special towards him. i dont get any butterflies when he's around me. my heart doesnt skipped a beat when he looks at me. so, that's a sign that he's not the one, right? i dont just want to date someone just because he likes me. i have to like him too. REALLY like him. this is a major crisis. i think......i dont know what to think! i just want to be normal. like before. before i met my "brother" or "him".

air kisses

what happened to us

2008-09-30T00:54:00.002+08:00

that day i went to pavilion with ibu, remy, jaja and kikah. of course we went for our annual raya shopping. so we went browsing around for clothes. then we stopped at guess kids, thought about buying clothes for kikah. and there, i saw keyna and her family...

keyna was my bestfriend. yes.. the term is "was". how sad is that. it's a long story. how we became friends, and then UNfriends. it's a long AND sad story. but anyhow, we are not as close as we were before. a lot of things happened that led to our "break up". so, to make a long story short, i would just say that there were some misunderstanding and towards the end of our friendship, we felt that we were actually incompatible as friends.

when we met at pavilion the other day, we were consumed with awkwardness. of course, we shook hands, but i thought twice before air-kissing her, but i did though. and after that, we kind of like stared at each other, both waiting for the other party to speak or say something. and when we spoke, we spoke together, like in a really hurried and, of course, awkward way. and then i shook hands with her parents and her 2 sisters. everyone was feeling awkward and it showed through our face expression. i bet mine was the most obvious.

so then we conversed a little. about raya mostly. all those cliche questions. "when are you going back for raya?" "where do you go back for raya?" "have you shopped for raya?" "how's your raya spirit this year?" all those same questions we pass around in friendster. but it was sure nice seeing her again though. she was still the same as before. as glamorous as before. her hair was as long as before. everything was the same except for the fact that we are no longer bestfriends. it was truly a sad ending of ones precious friendship.

i dont want to elaborate about what happened to our friendship. its just that, when i thought about it, something good did came out of the friendship failure. if i still were friends with them now, i wouldnt turn out to be what i am now. i'm not bragging or saying that they're spoilt teenagers, but it's kind of the truth. and my mother was once furious with me for being friends with those girls. now i know why. so, this means that things do have their own reasons of being what they are. and i'm not complaining about anything concerning this friendship thing.

and now, they all have their own lives. keyna, the rich girl, living in her rich world, with all her new rich friends... and all of the other girls who were once my bestfriends. i hope for the best for all of them and may Allah bless them.

air kisses

growing up

2008-09-29T23:43:00.002+08:00

the title would be misleading, but this entry IS about "growing" up. everyone knows this for a fact that i am short. for those of you who dont know yet, i'm telling you again;

IM SHORT!

there you go! pheww!! now that, THAT'S out, i can continue with my entry.

i'm always complaining about my height. im always comparing my height with my younger sister's. i'm always not happy with the way i look in front of the mirror. i hate that feeling. but i cant help it. im just me. im short little me! i try to chill every now and then, but sometimes my height problem gets to me. everytime i read beauty magazines, i would see so many beautiful clothes and be jealous of those models modelling the clothes. how i wish i have that kind of body to wear those kind of perfect clothings.

because of my size, its hard form me to find clothes. my baju kurung are all in children's sizes. except for the tailored ones. that is not cool. and whenever i go to people's houses, people would ask how old i am and thought that i'm in form 3. eeww!! i'm old!! please...

i want to AT LEAST look a bit tall. so i tend to buy high heel-ed shoes. but the thing about those shoes, they are hard to walk in. it would kill my feet! and you cant walk for a long period of time, otherwise you would bend your knees while walking. i've tried ones. killer! and high heels are not comfortable. they may look nice and make your legs look sexy, but the are super uncomfortable. they would blister your feet and leave a permanent scar. and it's super duper ugly. the scar, that is. a word of advice, wear sneakers when going shopping. you will be giving your feet a huge favour.

people always asked me to drink milk, because milk gives calcium to your bones, helping you grow. honestly, i have hated milk since i was little. i hate the smell of it. smells like cat's vomit.and it tasted funny. like salt and coffee. eeww! i dont know about you guys, but that's how i think milk tasted like. but as i grow (and ungrow), i forced myself to drink more milk. thinking it would help me "grow". but the thing is, i think i've stopped growing long ago. some people said that girls stop growing at the age of 15, some say 18 and others say 21. i pray to god that i'll stop growing when i'm 21. but i dont think that's going to happen. because guess what? i'm still short. damn!

i guess i cant change what i am now. live with it, and be done with it! haha!!

peace!

air kisses

carrefour? tesco?

2008-09-29T21:02:00.003+08:00

my friend, (khairul) confused carrefour and tesco. well, not confused actually. he accidentally said tesco instead of carrefour. so i thought "are those 2 hypermarkets easily be mixed up?" i dont see how. both of them may have the same theme colour, but besides that, they're different in other aspects.

if i were asked, i would prefer carrefour. because first, it doesnt take up loads of space. i noticed that the parking spaces at tesco are wide spread. and is on 1 level only. which is the ground floor, outside. and there are no roof. cars would be exposed to the hot sun. and after a long shopping for groceries, the car would be hot to touch. carrefour, we have double even triple parking layers. that's one good reason i prefer carrefour.

i've only been to tesco twice. the first one was at tesco puchong, the second was tesco ampang. and both tescos are huge! huge is suppose to be good, but in this case, it's not. see, the bigger the hypermarket is, the harder it is to find stuff. if you were in one place, it would kill to get one tube of toothpaste if the toilettries section is on the other end if where you are. damn.. that's a long walk. and you could easily get lost. i hate getting lost. especially when you dont have enough credit in your phone to call up your mom, asking where she is.

i dont know about the price of things at tesco, so i cant compare about the price. but i think carrefour has a lot more choices than tesco. and i think the price would be cheaper at carrefour. maybe i'm biased because my house is near to carrefour, and i buy groceries at carrefour. so, i tend to side more on carrefour. i love carrefour. but dont ever go there on weekends. everyone would come buy groceries, and you'll have difficulties parking your car. in fact, every hypermarkets would be busy on weekends.

so, whether you like carrefour or tesco or giant or any other hypermarkets better, they would practically sell the same things. dont fuss. the prices would be slightly more expensive or cheap, but in the end, you would get the same thing altogether. but i still refer carrefour!! woo!! =D

air kisses

promotion

2008-09-28T23:08:00.005+08:00

i love chris brown. so i browsed around for his songs in youtube. and i came across one of his songs. it's going to come out in his next album. anyway, i have this friend who said he was going to buy me chris brown's cd. but, it seems that he has been silent for a while now...

to azraf : ape cite? hehe... =D

so anyway, i'm promoting :

LISTEN TO THIS :

CHRIS BROWN feat DRE

FLYING SOLO

so, enjoy the song!

air kisses

raya clothes

2008-09-28T22:30:00.003+08:00

i'd just got back from klcc. went with ibu, remy and jaja. shopped for baju raya. didnt buy a lot. a couple of shirts and thats it. bought pretzels (i looove pretzels) and a few others. since i'm having my menses, so i'm allowed to eat. but, in the car la. gile ape makan depan orang.

so anyway, i had some difficulties in choosing clothes. dont know which baju to buy. i mean, i'm a big girl now. xkan la nak pakai t-shirt bodoh-bodoh je kot. i dont know my style actually. if you ask me, i would just go with wearing a t-shirt, jeans and flip-flops. but as i said earlier, i'm a big girl now. i need to change my style of clothing to suit my age.

we went to a lot of shops. but in the end i bought only 2 shirts. 1st one, it looks like a kimono, but not really a kimono. 2nd one, a long blouse, looks like a punjabi style shirt. hurm... but both are nice though. i would totally wear it to go out.

another difficulty is when choosing the size. i'm small, i know. so i would have to go with the extra small sizes, and those sizes are hard to come by. next, is the style of clothing nowadays. i know that people are all "modern" nowadays. their clothings would all be "modern" like them. meaning they tend to be a little bit, how should i say, "exposed" in certain areas. i'm the type of girl who wears decent clothing. i dont go for all those tight-fitting, short, transparent clothing most girls do. and i noticed that a lot of shops sell those kind of clothing. how the hell can i find decent clothing nowadays? if there were any, the price would be over the top. damn those clothing designers....

so this is what i face each raya. so hard to find decent clothings. everything is always too sexy, too exposed, too big, too small, too expensive, too-, too-, too-... when i grow up, i'm gonna take sewing lessons and i'm going to sew my own clothes. done! no more complaining...

air kisses

weird dude in micet

2008-09-25T23:29:00.003+08:00

yesterday night, well, morning actually, it was 1.30 in the morning. i was on my way back from the cafeteria, after buying food for sahur. my roommate fatin was with me. we were walking towards the girls' block, then suddenly this dude showed up around the corner :

nabil : hey..

nana : hey? what are you doing here, alone? spying on the girls?

nabil: haha.. nolah..

nana: if you want to spy, come with me.. (jokingly) so what are you up to?

nabil : oh, nothing... actually nana, i need your help.

nana : me? about what?

nabil : well, its complicated. im confused actually..

nana : confused? about what? "confuse" is a very general word. you should say that you're sad, happy or even scared. but not confused.. so what's up?

nabil : well, its hard to tell... ok, fine. im scared.

nana : about what? what happened?

nabil : i dont know how to tell you this. it's kind of embarassing.

nana : what is so hard to tell? you just have to open your mouth and let the words come out.

nabil : uumm... (stalling)

nana : dude! just be blunt okay. im very open..

nabil : you really want me to be blunt? ok fine. i like you...

whoa whoa whoa! what the hell is going on? someone told me that this guy is crushing on kak fatimah.. i thought he was trying to ask me her phone number or something. definitely not confessing about anything...

nana : wow.... (it was definitely a "wow" moment)

nabil : im sorry if this was abrupt, but you did asked me to be blunt

well, yeah, but i did NOT expect THAT from you! how could i not be "wow-ed"? i've been in micet for only, what? 2 months? 3 months max. suddenly this dude came up and confessed... eeww!!

nana : im speechless right now. that was totally unexpected. we've only met for, what, 3 times only? im telling you, this is really REALLY unexpected...

nabil : yeah... god..how embarassing! (turned around and covered his face)

nana : well, i have to tell you this.. you cant expect anything positive out of your confession. i mean, i barely know you.. im sorry

nabil : yeah, i dont expect anything. i came down here just to ask for your number actually. but, i confessed, instead. how lame is that...

nana : well, you are not going to get that either. because i dont randomly pass my number around to people. im sorry about that too

nabil : (silence)

nana : soo... what is it about me that attracted you?

nabil : i dont know. the first time we talked, i thought that you were intelligent, and you talked nice. very "articulate"

nana : wow... thats very unusual. people would normally be attracted to looks or personalities. but definitely not on one's ability to talk.. that's another "wow" thing tonight..

nabil : well, you made me feel comfortable around you. i seem to have a problem when it comes to having conversations. and i can definitely talk to you.

nana : hmm... (silence)

nabil : well, just so you know, i've never done this before. i mean, confessing to someone about how i feel towards her.

nana : yeah, well, this is my first time being confessed to.

nabil : i remembered the people i turned down. they confessed to me, and i rejected them.. a lot of them...

dude, the weird thing is, i dont understand how you can even gain admirers. i cant see any charm or attraction in you. you're not the type someone would fall for. sorry to say... but, still, everyone has their own tastes in things, or in this case, guys. i can detect his bragginess in his statement.. whatever... bajet orang gile2 kan die ar... oh, and just so you know, we conversed in english from start to finish. i did spoke a little malay, but he still replied in english.

nana : so now you know how they feel.

nabil : yeah...

i didnt remember much of the conversation, but he was being weird throughout the conversation. people has warned me about his weirdness, but i didnt really believed them. NOW i know that he IS REALLY weird...

nabil : its been a long time since i've had a normal conversation.

nana : what does that mean? dont you talk to your friends?

nabil : of course i do, its just that i dont have real friends whom i can tell things to. i'm the type who keep things to myself.

nana : whoa... that's not healthy. you have to let your problems be heard. it's not right to hold a lot of things back. you could explode.. see, that's why i have a blog. if i'm stressed about something or that i have a problem with anyone or anything, i would let it out. tell someone or write it down. that is where my blog comes in handy.

nabil : yeah, true... you know what? i know what you can be to me. you can be my teacher.

nana : what? your teacher?! what could i possibly teach you about? i dont have much experience about things, that i could share.

nabil : well, you could teach me how to express my feelings. i seem to have a problem with that.

nana : expressing your feelings is not something to be taught. you just EXPRESS your feelings.

nabil : yeah... also true... umm... you said that you dont want to give me your number. how about if you get mine?

nana : why would i want yours?

nabil : i dont know, maybe in time you would want to contact or get to know me?

nana : (i was getting pretty annoyed. he thinks he's so hot that i would someday fall for him. never in a million years!) i dont want your number. i would never want to contact you, even if i do, i would never want to have your number. if i want your number, i would ask for it. right now, and probably in a long time to come, i dont want your number.

at this stage, i was getting bored and hungry. and ANNOYED! i was on my way up to eat remember.. so i told him that i was going to leave..

nana : you know what? i think i'm getting hungry. and i have food upstairs with my name on it.

nabil : well, you dont have to ask permission to do so. you could just leave if you want.. its not rude..

nana : are you sure? if that's the case, i guess i better go leave. it was nice chatting with you, though... (NOT!) later..

nabil : bye..

so that was the story. my conversation with a weird guy. i was kind of uncomfortable throughout the conversation. because he was staring at me while i talk. eeww! it was freaky. then, after i reached my room, i told fatin and anis about what happened. and they were "eeww-ed" as i was. i quickly removed him from the list of readers for this blog. because he asked me whether i've invited him or not. and i also removed him from my friendlist for friendster. no way i'm contacting with that strange man... hopefully i wont ever again..

air kisses

2008-09-25T21:06:00.001+08:00

this is a blog entry i found while browsing the net. raya is around the corner, so my sister (jaja) and i thought we could bake some cookies. plus, fasting tends to be boring, so baking could make the time fly while waiting for buka puasa. so anyway, jaja googled for "famous amos recipe" and this came up. its quite a shock to read this. so please, READ!
(if this blog author lied, then i lied too)

This could be your kuih raya for this Syawal. I got this mailed to me earlier this week. I dont have any picture for these though. But if you manage to make them. Do mail to me the cookie. Sharing is not a crime.
Ladies,
Try the recipe.. buat kuih raya..
…when you go to Famous Amos Café, Bangsar
This is a true story
My daughter and I had just finished a muffin at
Famous Amos Café in Bangsar & decided to
have some cookies. Because both of us are such
a cookie lovers, we decided to try the “Hawaiian
Nut Cookie”.
It was so excellent that I asked if they would give
me the recipe and the waitress said with a small
frown “I’m afraid cannot”. Well I said, “Would you
let me buy the recipe?”
With a cute smile, she said “YES”. I asked how
much and she responded, “only two fifty, it’s a
great deal!” I said with approval, “Just add it to my
bill”
Thirty days later, I received my VISA statement
from Famous Amos and it was RM285.00 . I
looked again and remembered I had only spent
RM9.95 for two muffins and about RM20.00 for a
pie. As I glanced at the bottom of the statement, it
said, “cookie recipe - RM250.00″. That’s
outrages!!!
I called the Famous Amos’s Accounting Dept. and
told them that the waitress said it was “two-fifty”,
which clearly does not mean “two hundred and fifty
dollars” by any POSSIBLE interpretation of the
phrase. Famous Amos refused to budge.. They
would not refund my money, because according to
them, “What the waitress told you is not our
problem. You have already seen the recipe - we
absolutely will not refund your money at this point.”
I explain to her the criminal statues which govern
fraud in Malaysia. I threatened to refer them to
police for engaging in fraud. I was basically
told, “Do what you want, we don’t care, and we’re
not refunding your money.” I waited for a moment,
thinking of how I could get even, or even try to get
any of my money back. I just said, “Okay, you
people got my RM2-50.00, and now I’m going to
have a RM250.00 worth of fun.”
I told her that I was going to see to it that every
cookie lover in Malaysia with an email account
has a RM250.00 cookie recipe from Famous
Amos…for free… She replied, “I wish you wouldn’t
do this” I said, “Well you should have thought of
that before you stole from me”, and slammed
down the phone on her.
So, here it is!!! Please, please please pass it on
to everyone you can possibly think of. I paid
RM250.00 dollars for this…I don’t want Famous
Amos to ever get another cent off of this recipe…..
Recipe may be halved:
2 cups butter
4 cups flour
2 tsp. baking soda
2 cups granulated sugar
2 cups brown sugar
5 cups blended oatmeal (measure oatmeal &
blend in blender
to a fine powder)
24 oz. chocolate chips
1 tsp. salt
18 oz. Cadbury bar (grated)
4 eggs
2 tsp. baking powder
3 cups chopped nuts (your choice)
2 tsp. vanilla
cream the butter and both sugars. Add eggs and
vanilla; mix together with flour, oatmeal, salt,
baking powder, and soda. Add chocolate chips,
Cadbury bar and nuts. Roll into balls and place
two inches apart on a cookie sheet.. bake for 10
minutes at 375 degrees. Makes 122 cookies..
Have fun..!!
Credit: Kak Intan

#1 #2

2008-09-24T20:10:00.004+08:00

hear this:

im not sure whether im really over mr crush, but i seem to have an attraction towards another dude. at least i hope i am. i really need to forget about this mr crush. remember my "solution", to get over a crush, is to get another crush. (lame philosophy, i know).

about this new crush. im really not sure whether he's in the category of crush, but he's kind of cute. but not as cute as crush #1. i would name him crush #2. i dont know his name, really, but my friends and i call him "abang ayam goreng seketul". because the time i bumped into him, he was buying "ayam goreng seketul". at the time, we were at the cafeteria. i was buying food for sahur. and mr crush #1 was also there. i was kind of caught between 2 lovers. (ambek ko, lovers tuh!) crush #1 on my left, crush #2 on my right.

and just after i finished my class at 6pm today, i saw crush #2 walking pass me. he had his pants rolled up to the knees. his legs were not really tan, but i saw his legs though.. my roommate said that he looked a bit like crush #1 and that my taste in guys are all the same. i go for the "jambu" type. that is not true!! i do like macho guys. its just that we dont have any in micet, and im stuck with all the "jambu" ones. which are not all that bad, compared to the tall-skinny-innocent-looking guys.

some people would say im a bitch for having a crush on a lot of guys, but i dont see the harm in liking someone. or in this case, a lot of someones. its not like im stealing someone else's boyfriend. i may like a person's boyfriend, but that doesnt mean im going to date any of those girlfriend-having guys. i dont even want to try to talk to any of those guys. people would definitely mistake my good intention, which is only having a chat, to me being bitchy, and trying to approach a "married" man. to all you losers who thinks im a bitch for doing so, fuck off! you're not all that great either.

and to all the girlfriends in the world, dont ever mistake someone's action of being friendly to your boyfriend, for trying to take your boyfriend away. that is far from the truth. you dont have rights over the guy, and you never will. even if you are married, the guy would have rights over you. not the other way around. and if the guy loves you enough, he would never try to lift one eye on another girl. if he still does that, then the guy is not worth your love or he, yours.

i mean no harm;
air kisses

sorry

2008-09-23T02:35:00.002+08:00

to anis and eina, and also sya and nana

im sorry that i cannot help much for our assignments. hope you understand. but you should know that i do want to help, and i did helped, only to a limited extend. i promise that i will try to help more on our other assignments after raya.

my appologies, friends...

air kisses

my estima

2008-09-23T01:49:00.004+08:00

didnt went home last week, because have test on sunday. how lame is that... anyway, i was suppose to get back. well, not SUPPOSE to, but i want to. those estima people had bbq for buka puasa last saturday. at bbq land, sungai buloh. god, im so jealous!! i've been craving for lamb for quite a while. this time, ibu told me that 20 estimas are joining the buka puasa. last time, we had buka puasa at someone else's house. about 10 cars showed up. this time, twice the number showed up. that means, twice the number of people. damn! im suppose to get acquainted with them, but i had to attend that stupid test. but, what to do...

so, ibu called me the next day. day after the bbq. she told me that twice the number of people showed up and twice the fun the had. that made me jealous even more. she also said that the place was awesome, and the food was even more awesome. so unfair... me staying at this sorry excuse of a university, doing nothing, no activity, no entertainment, no whatsoever. plus, that stupid mr EXcrush is always in my viccinity. im starting to hate him. maybe because of his arrogance. bajet die bagus sangat, bak kata kak dayah. hehe...

so, this bbq. of course, the "gang" was there. they had to be there. they are like THE estima team. haha!! rumour has it that they want to start a new homepage, "myestimakids". whatever... im not joining, im an adult, thank you very much... but i do hang with them though. even my brother, remy. he's like the oldest of them all. yet he acts like he's the youngest. my sister, jaja, told me that they had so much fun. so much laughter, so much pranks, so much of everything. you can never NOT laugh when you hang with them. i missed hanging out with them.

the next day, ibu called me again, telling me that those kids are going to midvalley, shopping for baju raya. why do they always left me out? tunggu la sampai i balik kl! *sigh* im always missing the best of days.

tak pe... im not sure when, but there will be a trip to singapore with the team, and i swear to god im going. i dont want to be left out of so many convoys and activities. heard the trip to singapore is going to be hot. we'll be staying for 3 days and 2 nights. sponsored by "my estima" singapore. its going to be soo much fun, i can tell!!

VISIT

http://www.myestima.com/

VIEW PICTURES

READ FORUMS

AND

JOIN THE TEAM

air kisses

what happened today

2008-09-22T23:29:00.003+08:00

i dah malas nak meng-check grammar, jadi kita bertutur dalam bahasa ibunda ya. apa-apa pun, al-kisah perkara yang berlaku hari ini....

sepatutnya ada class eng. graphic pagi ni. pukul 10. "mane gua nak tau ada class!" ada orang dengki yang xnak pass information. memang menduga orang yang puasa. tak pasal-pasal miss 1 class. agak rugi xpergi..

next! seperkara lagi yang amat menduga orang puasa. sepatutnya class general chemistry pukul 2.00. i dengan semangatnya, bangun pukul 12.00. biasa lah, 1st class of the day.. tapi hari ini je class pukul 2.30. makhluk allah mane yang dengki lagi ni, xmo gtau. malas la nak mencarut, tp mmg i cakap ar en, time kat class tu da mencarut bapak ayam nye ar... nasib baik class dilambatkan. buatnya class diawalkan 2hours ke. mmg ada org yg nk lebam mata dia.

datang2 je BK2 tu, tgk class agak-agak kosong la. cuma sekelompok rakan yg senasib je ada. dorg pun berbulu gak. pastu, anis membuat panggilan...

weyh, x gi class ke?

class kul 2.30 ar. ko xtau ke?

betul jugak cakap ko! mmg aku tau la, ko xgtau! bodoh betul! rasa-rasa macam nak je tengking disitu. awak tu kalau rasa diri seorang kawan, buat la gaya cam kawan. pastu, boleh lak nak pass-pass blame kat orang lain. bagus betul perangai. ko xnak bgtau je sebab ape, ko sayang sgt ke credit tu? aku boleh bayar balik la wey... berape sen je pun. kalau ye pun ko ingat aku dah tau, ape lah salah kalau kau bagitau jugak? recomfirmation. ko rasa, kalau aku buat camtu kat ko, suke? nak aku buat? dont ever tempt me. im very hard to negotiate when im provoked.

so, pada petang tu mmg moody gile. menyampah gile tengok muka diorang. rasa cam nak penyepak disitu... tapi fikir, kawan je. ni baru 1st time, next time, kalau dorg buat lg, mmg putus kawan ar en. JOM, ANIS. KITE BERDUA JE!

a piece of advice, dalam persahabatan xpayah la nak berkira sangat. kalau nak jugak, xyah la berkawan. menyusahkan hidup orang lain je...

air kisses

update

2008-09-09T13:56:00.003+08:00

okay, here's an update on mr crush.

you know what? this guy im crushing on, he sucks. he really does have a girlfriend. like, really. and for him to say what he said to me, kind of got my hopes up. and that is not cool. so, to mr crush, im not crushing on you anymore. you are officially, mr UNcrush.

air kisses

byebye - mariah carey

2008-09-08T00:36:00.003+08:00

tomorrow im going back to micet. no more blog-publishing. i'll try to use the computer in the library, but its a shame that im too lazy to go there. so, till next time. if i come home next weekend, i would probably publish some more blog entries.

im a bit nervous about going back to micet. about the "thing" there. hopefully it wont happened to me.

air kisses

current status

2008-09-07T01:41:00.005+08:00

right now, im crying my ass out. i miss all of my s5 friends!!! god... if i meet them now, i would hug them tight.

i miss farah idayu
i miss nurzawani
i miss muhd ashraf
i miss ahmad syafiq
i miss adibah aqilah

i even miss jarir hakimi!
imagine that!
i miss them all
sooo much!!

i love you guys soo much!!

but everyone has changed now. going their separate ways.

but i promise. if cuti micet, i would totally meet them. im serious!!

and tomorrow, im going to call ayu n wanie. n cry if i will. cause i miss them soo much! also call ashraf and syafiq. so have to top up byk2. xpe. what is there in RM10. friendship is more precious. betul x? BETUL!

air kisses

boten anna - basshunter

2008-09-07T00:29:00.008+08:00

my sister (kikah) has her own myspace account. she's only 10 and has a myspace account. haish.. budak-budak sekarang. anyway, her friend, faizrul introduced her to the song

botten anna - basshunter

so there i was, listening to the song. and i thought -hey, this song is quite cool. and now im promoting. listen to the song. its pretty awesome.

by the way, the song is in Swedish. listening to it makes me want to learn the language. really cool language. the way you pronounce the words, oh so cool...

(but the vid is quite gay though)

air kisses

selingan. for u Mr C

2008-09-07T00:26:00.002+08:00

he knows who i am, but he doesnt know that he's the one im crushing on.

sshh!! dont tell anyone. its a secret!

air kisses

blogging

2008-09-06T23:54:00.004+08:00

a few seconds ago, azraf text messaged me. he asked me what i was doing. and i told him that i was publishing a new entry in my blog. then he said

"you xmalu ke bile orang baca your blog?"

then i said

"why the hell would i be ashamed of? its my blog."

see, the thing is, dalam dunia ni, there are a lot of very judgmental people. everything we do, people would comment or complain. back then, i was very cautious about what people would think of me. i would try as best as i can to please others. but ibu will always say, "you cant please everybody". and now, i understand what she meant. why would i lead my life to suit everybody else? why cant i just live my OWN life?

then i started to learn. i start to not care what people think. well, i still care a little bit, but not a whole lot. if i want to eat rice with a fork, then i would. if i want to wear a pink shirt with green pants, than i would. (not that i would in real life. just a metaphor) but my point still stands. other people's view of you is not as important as your own view of yourself. dont really bother what those losers say. as long as whatever you do makes you happy.

and to all of you fuckers who thinks my blog sucks, then fuck you. because you suck more. get a life. start your own blog if you think you write better than i do. and fyi, this blog i created is for my own words, using my account, my email, my password and on my computer. and for the second time im saying this

fuck off, you losers!

peace!

air kisses

fairness in life

2008-09-06T23:12:00.005+08:00

i'd just got back from buka puasa at my aunt's house. buka puasa bersama anak yatim to be exact. her house is in titiwangsa, directly fronting the lake. she has this huge HUGE house which is soo beautiful. every year, she would organize this buka puasa thing. she was the previous owner of BMW and now, she had sold her company (kot) and currently owning VW. back then, her house was soo full of BMW of every series. damn son.. and now that she owns VW she has VW cars. but not of every series. last time i counted, she has 15 cars. of various type. BMWs, porches, mini cooper, subaru, nissan, etc.

when i went there just now, i saw a red ferrari and 2 VW golfs. 3 new cars. also her 2 old X5s. the cars were parked in front of the house since the left garage is used to place the buffet table. damn son.. and at the back of the house, (the right garage) are the old cars, mini cooper, and other series of BMWs. damn son.. how did she become so rich..

anyway, the point of this entry is to say how i jealous i was (and still am) of her achievements. how i wish i could be as rich as her and have all the luxuries in life. she's just human, and so am i. i work hard too. everybody else works hard too. where's the fairness in life?

then, i start to contemplate about her other "achievements". did she achieve much love from her husband? is she happy with her life now? do her sons love her enough? i dont know. all i know is, in life, you cant have the best of both worlds. you get some, you loose some. and pondering about that, i felt better about my life. so much better. at least i have the best of what matters most in life. which is love and happiness. and receive them, and i spread them. i love my family, i love my friends, i love people, i love animals, i love things.

so people, spread some love. oh, and to the guys, DONT spread the seed of love. just love. if you know what i mean... peace!

air kisses

ramadhan @ micet

2008-09-05T22:22:00.003+08:00

i've attended micet for about 2 months now. of course, time mula2 masuk ada butterflies en. but what i dont get is that i still have butterflies now. thinking about going back there these 2 or 3 days more makes my butterflies flutter wilder. a lot of factors effect my butterflies' flutter. its about that thing that happened there before we all had our mid semester break. (that thing that happened to eina n wanie) plus, khairul told me that buka puasa there is gonna suck. damn son... how am i going to survive? then jarir told me about bazaar ramadhan at alor gajah. full of varieties. but the thing is, how am i suppose to reach there? i dont own a car. bengang je degar en... another thing is thinking about all the classes i have to attend. siang malam pagi petang. im going to dehydrate like hell man...

kenapa la micet ni terlalu tersembunyi?

air kisses

promotion

2008-09-05T21:21:00.003+08:00

just washed my hair. used new shampoo. smells good. im promoting here

CLAIROL
HERBAL ESSENCES

anti-breakage
strengthening shampoo

with a fusion of
lavender
&
silk protein cream

my hair smells good now. oh, and buy the conditioner too. bottle also nice. purple in colour. when i bought this, it was in promotion. 10%- at "watson".

air kisses

ayah, ayah...

2008-09-04T23:53:00.003+08:00

this morning i sent ayah to work. he was so bising all the way to the office. at every junction, he would say "break, BREAK!" but then, there are no cars passing by. so, i just slowed down. thats why he was so bising.

awak tu bukan expert driver. kat junction berenti la. dont you see the stop sign?!

very annoying, i tell you. i've had my driver's license for quite a while now, and i'm practically legal to drive on the road. why is he treating me as if i cant drive? i went to a 2 months course to learn how to drive. i took a driving test, and i passed! its not like i cheated my test...

grown ups are very unpredictable. sometimes we just dont get them. at all....

air kisses

hero!

2008-09-04T23:24:00.002+08:00

a new supermarket has opened. xde la baru sebenarnye, its just that i havent been home a lot lately, and suddenly when i came back, ada new supermarket. HERO replacing TC PERMATA. and this new HERO is way better than TC. this afternoon i went there to buy groceries with ibu and kikah.

it was bigger than TC and has more choices of stuffs. more alleys. more cashiers. more convenient. i liked it there. not to big nor too small. almost everything you need is there. and because of it's small interior (smaller than carrefour), we dont tire easily from walking and looking for things and pushing the cart. so, HERO is quite cool. and its near to my house. i can drive there, grab whatever i need, and be gone. i'm sure ibu would allow me to drive there by myself. at least, i hope she would.

air kisses

mr crush

2008-09-04T22:41:00.002+08:00

okay, new update on mr crush. i just got off the phone with one of my close friends in micet. apparently, he had shared a room next to mr crush last semester. and he told me that mr crush always gayut with his "whoever" at night. this "whoever" is most likely his girlfriend. my friend also told me that mr crush's girlfriend is definitely not a micet student. i dont know whether to believe this or not, but he said that mr crush and him were quite close, since they live next door to each other.

so, should i be happy to hear this? i dont know. maybe i....shouldnt? all i know is i dont feel anything anymore. i mean, fine, if his girlfriend (or ex-girlfriend) is from another college. but either way, i should, could, would NOT pursue whatever i think i want to pursue. damn, love is complicated. (love?) i promised fahim that i wont get any closer. wont exchange phone numbers. wont wont wont.

but as i said in my previous entry, if things are fated, then, why not?

air kisses

irony

2008-09-04T15:59:00.004+08:00

in life we have to make decisions. one thing leads to another. how everything we do inter-connect with one another. but if we decide too long, the choice wont be there anymore for us to choose.

but what is this thing about fate? if we are fated to do certain things, are we deprived of that decision-making part? say, we want to cross the road. 2 choices. you either cross, or you dont cross. decisions had to be made. but if we are destined to cross the road, should there not be any decisions to make? because in the end, we still are on the other side of the road.

see what i meant by how ironic life is?

we live our lives according to the book. work fair, play fair, pray fair. everything is in its precise manner. yet, why do we got robbed? why do some of us die tragically, shot in the head? why are we diagnosed with cancer? where did we go wrong...

all my life, i've seldom paused and ponder the things that makes the world go round. people do things for a reason. with action there's meaning. so i try to make things easier for me to understand. i concluded to myself that

"God (Allah) has a reason for it all of these"

true to the mind, we are created by Him, and will someday return to Him. so why fuss? He has the answer to all of our questions. He made us and He can damn well decide for us. why are we worrying for. take a deep breath and chill... nothing is going to turn out as it is, if it werent for Him to decide and allow.

so take a bet. close your eyes and pick a path. either way, you still end up where you should be. but if you dont decide at all, and just let things be, you wont get a chance to lead your own life. but instead, it leads you. lifes a gamble. lets enjoy the game...

dont regret on the things you do
regret on things that you do not do

air kisses

solution

2008-09-04T12:42:00.003+08:00

last night, fahim reality-checked me. it was not cool. but nevertheless, i was reality-checked.

about my obsession with this dude. i KNOW that its going nowhere. so why the hell am i pursuing it? why am i still head over heels over this guy? i dont have an answer to that. but i do have a solution. to this problem, that is. not to win him over or anything, but to get OVER him. see, the thing is, when you like a guy, or a girl for that matter, you tend to be shy around them. why can you treat other guys or girls normally, but to this other person, you cant. meaning, you're shy around him/her.

so my solution to get over him is to act normal when im around him. not that i would, since we are not always in the same vicinity together. and we have different circle of friends. other alternative is if i can smile to any guy who passes by me, then i certainly could smile to this dude im crushing over. at least i could fake a very good smile, and pretend that this guy, is like any other guy. convince myself that he is nothing more than a warm-blooded male.

this could work. i mean, right this moment, im practicing my "solution" on him. and believe it or not, i dont feel so nervous around him. before this, just looking at his pictures makes my heart skips a beat faster. but this is going to change, i tell you. i just have to believe. like in that song, whitney sang with mariah "when you believe, somehow you will..." meaning, i will succeed if i just trust myself enough that i CAN do it.

GO NANA, GO!!!
i love myself. i can do it!

air kisses

this is for...no one

2008-09-04T09:53:00.001+08:00

reading other peoples blogs makes me jealous. damn son. im all the way here in melaka, and they are in the kl. so they can communicate and meet every so often. and i cant!! plus, i feel that eveything is so different. like i have a new life all together here in micet. and the life i had back then was just a dream. its all blurry now. not that i dont remember any of those memories, but i try to hold on to the ones i do. im desperate for something...

so about this desperation im feeling. i dont know whether its desperation or ... whatever, but all i know is im feeling left out. should i blame them, or am i the one to be blamed? i keep telling myself how i miss them so much, and that i wish we were more close, but the thing is, all those feelings are fake. i dont really think that i actually miss them. how bitchy is that... but sadly, its true. are they the ones who keep to themselves or is it me? okay, i admit. i may have held a few things back. a lot, actually. but they do too!

so here i am, pondering on what and how i should feel about this so-called desperation. i know that things would be really really awkward when we meet, but i dont want things to be awkward. i want things to be like they were before. when all we think about is SPM and KLCC on the weekends. and we can laugh hard and tell dirty jokes and not feel awkward or unsophisticated about it, since we are still "kids" and do all those things we did back then. i even miss the study group we had in the library, which i sleep most of the time.

imagine this, all 5 of us (or 7 including those 2) meet up somewhere, say... kopitiam. we would look at each other while our minds would decide on which story to tell and which ones to keep to ourselves. or worse, we would just stare at each other and our minds would just stare with us. frozen in a really awkward way. then suddenly we smile (a really forced and awkward one) and then, what, hug? i dont know. see, its because of the lives we have now and the fact that we are not updated with each others well-being that makes this happen. or would happen if it were true. these awkwardness will then turn to distance and finally, strangers... wow...

i wish to god that things wouldnt go as far as that. because from my viewpoint, as their friend, no scratch that, BESTfriend (am i allowed to say that?), all 4 of them are getting different and different by the day. last time i checked with ashraf, he told me he has a girlfriend now. what the hell is going on here? all my life i've know him (okay, not ALL my life) he has never had any interest in girls. more so, in finding a girlfriend. we had only "departed" for, what, 2-3 months? and now i'm hearing that he has a girlfriend. this dude's fast! and syafiq, we "departed" earlier, cause he went to have his A-levels, also has a gilfriend. but in syafiq's case, its a little different. we werent as close before, cause he had other friends also. (this dude has friends all over) but the point remains, he has a girlfriend. and i found this out not from him but from our other friend. who also has a girlfriend now! god, these people change fast. go to college, suddenly ada pasangan.

and what about me? im still the same boring nana. i keep telling anis how i want to have a boyfriend. to gayut on the phone all night long, dating-dating at the cafeteria. and do whatever la. as long as it's with my boyfriend. well, back to the topic. i'm still me, no-changes, me. if everyone around me is changing, does that mean that i'm the one who's changing? nah... but, the fact has not changed, that my friends have changed. and i'm not happy about that. what happened to "friends forever" and "takkan putus kawan" and all those promises? all gone to the drain...

well, if you should know, i am angry right now. pissed... friendship is not fair! im not blaming anyone here. its their right to be whoever they want. its also their right to date at whatever age. and im here, just expressing my deep thoughts, and there you go. peace!

air kisses

i got dirrty!

2008-09-03T03:00:00.006+08:00

that day, kelab eksplorasi micet had a paintball war. (is that what it's called? war?) anyway, so there was this paintball thing at micet. i was one of the AJKs so i had to be there. so there i was. at the hockey field. watching people shooting each other with paint. it was fun, actually. too bad not many people participated. the thing lasted for maybe 5 hours? im not sure. but i didnt stay till the end. after a few hours, maybe 2-3 hours, i went up to the room and changed. i wanted to see the others making "kolam" in the hall. so i changed into a clean shirt. i thought i wouldnt be needed at the hockey field anymore.

so i went to see the "kolam" making. then suddenly this dude came up to us (eina was with me) and told us that we are needed at the field to help clean up the aftermath of the paintball thing. oh no, i'm wearing a clean shirt. how am i suppose to do dirty stuff? oh well, i would pick up a few trash and go.

so i picked a few trash. and got a little bit dirty. damn, i thought. so after the cleaning, we took a few pictures together with the paintball crew. i was sitting in the front row, and those paintball dudes were at the back. right before the camera clicks, those paintaball dudes sprayed us with water. lots of them!! and i went, shit! so that was the first attempt on dirtying my clean shirt. and they succeeded!

the second time, i tried to be more careful. but luck was against me. why? because then came this dude, FAHIM. he stepped on a paint bullet and guess what? the paint stuff got in my mouth!! see, his angle was so perfect that the paint went straight to my face, specifically my mouth. its a good thing i didnt open wide, for i would surely die from consumption of paint. curse you, WAN MOHD FAHIM!!

i was getting pissed by the second. why the hell shoudnt i? im wearing a clean shirt, and im getting dirtier and dirtier. to make things even worse, i was again, for the third time, sprayed with paint. those paintball dudes filled up 2 bottles of paint. they squirted those paint bullets in the bottles till its half full. then from behind us, they pour those paint from the bottles on us. but i got poured the most! because they said i was too clean. of course i was clean. i changed didnt i! curse those paintball dudes... curse you!!

right then, i literally cursed at them. the whole lot of them! then i quickly ran to my room to change, AGAIN! i got to get the stains out fast. my flip-flops were slowing me down, so i ran barefoot. imagine... thinking about it now, its kind of funny. haha! and i was breathing hard when i got up. tired meh..

so thats the story. how i got dirty and how i ran barefoot up the stairs of block B. and how im totally laughing about it now. hahaha!! god, i am hilarious...

air kisses

tolittle

2008-09-02T03:36:00.003+08:00

i was looking at my "blog archive" and seeing how little posts i have. how lame is that? i keep promoting people to read my blog, yet i have so little entries. i am totally embarrassing myself. people wold say "lah, ni je ke blog dia? promote bukan main lg."

looking at everyone else's blog makes me jealous. how i wish i could write as good as them. how i wish i am as interesting as them. how i wish im as creative as them. i mean, these bloggers they have superb vocabulary. they have a way with words. so awesome. like quotes, and inspirational words. modern day shakepeare. oh well, i just have to make do with my level of writing. hopefully i can write as good as them.

good luck to me!

air kisses

obsession

2008-09-02T02:43:00.002+08:00

first impression = whats so great about him
second look = he's kind of intimidating
third time = okay, i admit. he's cute

here's the story. there's this guy in college. my friend told me about him. that he's cute and all. but ive never seen him before. so anyway, one time, i was looking out my window (in micet) and i saw this guy climbing down the slope, from the basketball court to the tennis court. he looked really awkward. and i kind of like made fun of him. like hoping for him to fall. but he didnt. he was very careful. and while i was laughing, he looked at me. i can see his mind cursing me for laughing at him. then my friend came, and we laughed at him together. then she stopped. "tu la mamat handsome aku cakap tu!" and i was like, "what? x handsome pun".

so that was my first encounter of him

days after that incident, i dont really remember how many days after that, i was at the cafeteria with my friends. and suddenly one of my friend pointed him to me. he was buying something i guess. i dont remember much. but by the way he stood i can tell that he's arrogant. and he didnt look anywhere or at anyone else. just minding his own business. and i noticed that every girl who passed by him would stare. and he was aware of that, but did nothing. as if he's the hottest dude on the planet. pfft! whatever...

and since then, i keep looking his way. i dont know why. he's like a force pulling my gaze to him. ok, thats way over the top. but seriously, i find myself keep looking his way. why the hell? and finally, i admit to myself, that i have fallen for him. that is NOT cool. i mean, i keep telling myself how arrogant he is, yet i fall for him still. and right now, my fall has gone way deep. im obsessed with him. which is way uncool than before. and what makes it the uncoolest thing of all, is that this dude im crushing over is someone else's boyfriend. damn son! people had told me before that he already has a girlfriend, and i can accept that. the thing i cannot accept is the girlfriend being in the same college as i am. meaning micet. wow...

imagine how heartbroken i was. i still am actually. because i was so obsessed with him, and suddenly, to know that he is someone else's boyfriend.. but now, i try to have some restrain. try not to be so obsessed about him and not to stare at him so much. i need a new crush, fast! help me find one!!

air kisses

ramadhan

2008-09-02T02:38:00.002+08:00

ramadhan has just arrived. how good it is not to eat. wait, scratch that. how good it is no to think about eating. no no scratch that again. how good it is to save money on food. so anyway, during this season, let us do good.

what am i talking about? i have no idea. anyway, just to wish everyone, happy fasting!! and no dirty stuff alright!

air kisses

sobs..

2008-09-02T02:30:00.003+08:00

i have decided that i dont want to be an active blogger. how stupid is that statement. well, its true. i'm a bit frustrated here. a lot actually. the thing is, i dont get a chance to publish any entries because of the lack of medium to do so. in short, i dont have a computer. how sad is that? i mean, i have loads of things to tell but i cant. because i dont have a computer. plus, the internet connection in micet sucks. sometimes ada, most of the time xde. lame betul.. so to layan my frustration, i decided to not be active anymore.

but i dont want to!! i still wanna write!! how i wish i have a computer. ayah, buy me one... sobs..

air kisses

different

2008-08-20T10:32:00.003+08:00

why do i suddenly feel so different?
is it because the differentness of my surroundings?
or the different people around me?

i would say i hate being different
but things are different now
i like being different
different in a different way

way better than being indifferent...

air kisses

drama

2008-08-20T10:28:00.003+08:00

have to do drama.
so much drama.
so much crying.
so much shouting.
so much of everything.

script writer becomes the actor
actor becomes director
director becomes script writer
director becomes actor
director becomes stage manager
director becomes director

director, you suck!!

air kisses

section D

2008-07-31T14:37:00.003+08:00

i never thought i'd say this but I LOVE MICET! okok. melebih pulak. its fun here. not like what i expected. i was hoping that i would hate it here, but i dont. except for the fact that this place is surrounded with pokok kelapa sawit. and also so very far from town. so anyway, about my section.

all diploma students are divided into sections, im in section D. i have the best section ever! at first place, i thought, damn these people are boring! but then, after we got to know each other, we actually click. me, i prefer to sit at the back of the class. (easy to doze off). but not the very end. so i became friends with the people at the back. and we click instantly. we became close after that. those people are eina, ady, faiz, jaja'a, jimbit, sam, and loads more. (anis is excluded coz she was my friend before this).

last 2 days, we get back from class together. not all of us that is, but most of us. and we took pictures of ourselves. vain sial! and we laughed all the way back. me, especially. when i laugh, i laugh hard! it was so much fun. i love the laughing, the hanging out, (our cafeteria is our kaufa) and the classes were great too. except english and sports management.

hope that this friendship thing lasts. love it here. not such a bad thing after all. jom sama2 masuk micet!!

air kisses

it's been a while

2008-07-13T02:48:00.004+08:00

its been a while since the last time i updated my blog. fuih!! there's so much that's been going on in my life lately. i dont have time to write EVERYTHING. so a quick recap:

i registered at unikl on 6th july.
orientation was so much fun. tiring as hell, but fun.
went back for the weekends
celebrated my birthday with my family

so things are pretty busy now. i didnt get to post any new entries while im away in college. whenever i get back, i'll try to update my blog. so anyway, things were really great in college. i wont say i have loads of friends, but i do have a few acquaintances. and i wont say im popular, but im quite known by people. probably because of my nametag. my room-mate, fatin follows me EVERYWHERE i go. as if im her leader. she's like a shadow, always besides me. except that she's so tall. taller than me of course. everybody is. but there are a few short people there. so i felt kind of "okay" about my height.

about the place. very remote!! everywhere you see, hutan!! kelapa sawit everywhere. way far from the main road. probably like 500m from the main entrance and main road. and rumor has it that the place is kind of haunted. not like spooky. but "berpenunggu". i didnt felt anything before they told me about the place. now i feel kind of scared to walk alone there. enough about that. the hostel is quite far from the classes. so im proposing to my dad to buy me a car. HAH! i wish... since the place is so remote, its hard to get transportation. the only alternative are busses. sometimes cabs.

i found 2 familiar faces there. both from my previous school. seniors. farah nadia and ciwan. the ironic thing was farah is my room mate. haha! the people there are quite friendly. here in kl, most people would call me a snob, because of my face expression. like im unapproachable. but the truth is im not! im just too shy to make friends. when i said that to my friends, (that im shy) they laugh in my face. but in college, i try to change my attitude. instead of being "shy", i became as friendly as i can. which was hard, because friendly is not in my nature. but what the heck, is not like the people there know the real me. and it worked! i had friends and people like being friends with me. at least i hope so.

there are so many other things i want to say. about what's been going on in orientation. about the people i met. and other things in micet. but until next time, i'll post more.

air kisses

college essay (stupid membazir masa!)

2008-07-04T00:55:00.003+08:00

An Essay by Raihanna Roslan

I was born Raihanna bt Roslan on July 12^th 1990 in Kuala Lumpur. But most people call me Nana nowadays. My parents are Roslan Ismail and Saleha Abdullah. I have 4 siblings, my big brother, Muhd Raimi, myself, and my two little sisters, Rahaiza and Rafiqah. We are currently living in Wangsa Maju, Kuala Lumpur. I went to Sek Keb Wangsa Maju R10 when I was in primary school, and Sek Men Keb Wangsa Maju Seksyen 5 in secondary school. And I cannot wait to enter UniKL MICET to continue my tertiary studies.

I usually spend my spare time reading, writing, listening to music, and surfing the net. My passion for reading starts when I was 11 years old. My reading materials were mostly fiction novels, but now I try to vary my selection of books. My favourite writers are Judith Mc Naught, Susan Elizabeth Phillips, and Nicholas Sparks. I consider myself as an open person. I also like to be open about things. I express my opinions through writing. In fact I have my own personal blog that I created to express my opinions and state my views about things. My selection of music ranges from ballads to hip hop r&b. I listen to almost every genre of music. I surf the internet to find out about certain things that I don’t know. The internet is also where I communicate with my friends through e-mails.

When I grow up, I aspire to be a successful person. I seem to enjoy discovering new things. I was previously a science student in secondary school. Because of that, I hope to continue my studies in the same field. Engineering is a field which is based on science studies. My uncle is a chemical engineer and is currently working with Petronas. He is a very successful person and I grew up wanting to be like him. He travels a lot, and is very knowledgeable. I prefer a career which does not bound us to working only in offices. An engineer requires to be outside of the office for a period of time. This is one of the reasons why I want to be an engineer, specifically a chemical engineer.

With the current global fuel crisis, I feel that acquiring the knowledge in petroleum engineering technology would provide our country with fresh supply of engineers and eventually contribute to the growth of the nation. With more chemical engineers in the market, it is hoped that there will be new technologies to overcome the fuel crisis.

I choose to further my studies in UniKL MICET because it offers the course of studies that I want. There are several other colleges and universities that offer the same course, but in MICET I will learn chemical engineering with a specialization in process technology. Furthermore, my brother is currently studying in UniKL MIAT and he frequently compliments about how great it is to be studying in UniKL. He was also the one who recommended that I go to UniKL MICET. I expect to learn a lot about chemical engineering in MICET and I hope that the knowledge I gain there could help me in my future.

im back!

2008-06-28T20:54:00.002+08:00

it was awesome awesome awesome!!! i wish i could go there again. (currency mahal sikit ar tapi). loved the country, the people (cute surf dudes), the resort, the weather, the everything!! too bad only for a week.

air kisses

pause

2008-06-21T23:58:00.002+08:00

i'm pausing my blog-posting. there wont be any entries in the time to come. but only for a little while. i'll be gone for a week. i know, people are gonna miss me (perasan betul aku) especially MUHD IZWAN cause he's gonna miss his text message partner. haha!! there's a lot of things more that i want to write about, just that i dont have enough time and enough diligence.

i want to take this opportunity to say sorry to WANIE for not being able hang out with her just now. aaww.... i wish i could!! xpe, nanti kat melaka kita jumpa. love you!!

oh, and i love my other friends too!! (ayu, acap, syafiq, khalid, acoi, aliaa.....)

air kisses

.

2008-06-19T14:06:00.003+08:00

i have this essay i need to write for college. stupid thing. i have no idea what to write, and im about to enter college soon. but my essay isnt ready yet. damn. stupid stupid thing. eish!

air kisses

oh tony..

2008-06-19T01:04:00.005+08:00

this was a dream i had when i was in form 5. i just remembered about it. it was one of my most vivid dreams. almost real, yet not. *sigh*. this was how it went:

i cant remember the earlier part, but i remembered that i was on a quest of finding a missing person. as if my life depended on it. and the person was ayu. she was wearing baju pengawas. i was in a warehouse. it looks a bit like a very HUGE ace hardware. and there were lots of people there. like klcc punye crowd. then i carik la ayu. as i was searching, i realized that the people were not people. they were zombies. i wasnt afraid of the zombies though. and they left me alone, not bugging and everything. while i was searching, something hits me. like a slap on my back. i turned around and saw 5 or 6 rempit zombies chasing after me. i was scared then. i quickly ran away from them. at the same time, i saw ayu and i chased after her.

at last, i lost those rempit zombies. thank god. but i also lost ayu. damn. i continued to look for her. then, at the corner of my eye, i saw this dude with a leather jacket, looking purposeful. i straight away knew that he was not one of the zombies. and i ran to him. trying to ask for directions and answers to my confusion. why the zombies, and why are we the only ones that are humans? but i lost him too. he was on his way towards an underground escalator. before i lost him, i did get a chance to ask him where the escalator leads to. and he says "the answer to your questions" and poof! he was gone. with hesitation, i stepped-on the escalator.

from the top of the escalator, i can hear noises. eerie noises. like tortured sounds. and echoes and echoes of screams. freaky. i toughened up myself and descended. what i saw at the end of the escalator took the wind out of my sail. there were blood all over the walls. and a trail of blood. as if something bloody were being dragged. and directly to my front, there were a series of doors. 3 doors actually. each with a geometric shape in front of it. square, triangle and circle. hurm.. very out of place for a place like this. i followed the blood trail. it leads to the triangle door. and enter i did...

oh my god!! right in front of my eyes, i saw someone wrestling with something. like a mannequin, but this particular mannequin is alive. and from it came a very haunting sound. like a very high-pitched squeal. and the guy who is wrestling with it looks to be the victor. the guy was wearing a yellow polo t-shirt and khaki slacks. a little inappropriate for fighting demons. demon down, guy wins. that was when he turned around and saw me. i saw him. and he was a gorgeous looking sonovabitch. he's got this thick dark hair, tall, muscular, and very handsome. whoa. damn son. i felt so safe just looking at him and have him looking at me. even though i was tough myself, i ran to him and faked my cowardice. and he opened his arms willingly for me. what great arms he had. he comforted me as i made these whimpering sounds. in my head i said: who are you, gorgeous? and i heard him say: i'm tony. *sigh*

nana:what are these things?

tony:they are zombies.

nana:are they like the ones in the mall?

tony:yes, but much worse. they devour human flesh.

nana:really?

tony:yes. if you're scared, hold my hand.

and hold them i did. hand in hand, we continued our journey. both of us didnt know where the hell we were and what the hell is this place. but we continued on. there were doors up ahead. and behind those doors, we heard noises. they were demon noises. i was scared and i held on to tony's hands. before we enter the door, tony gave me gloves. it looks like baseball gloves. i asked him what it was. and he said they are weapons. weapons? he explained that they have powers. we can use them against those demons. it works like this: clench your hands while wearing it. and a ball of fire would appear in your hands when you unclench them. and release them to the demons. almost like an "aboogin" in dragon ball.

with determination and courage, we entered the door....

shit!!!! i woke up already. WHY WHY WHY!!! what happened after that, nobody knows. in my mind, i conjured up an ending to my dream:

in the end, we defeated those demons. and we got out of the tunnel, to a place which looks like a clearing. with wild flowers growing. and green green grass everywhere. the sun shines up ahead. very fluffy clouds accompany the blue sky. graceful hills made up valleys with a river in between. it was perfect. and in the valley was a beautiful little cottage house with smokes coming out of the chimney. bliss... tony lifted me up and carried me to the house. we had smiles on our faces. and i suddenly realized that our clothes were different. i was wearing a very simple white dress. and the skirt was billowing around my knees. tony was topless and was wearing linen pants. very hot chest. very sexy. and together we lived happily ever after.

what a dream.
air kisses

:P

2008-06-19T00:15:00.001+08:00

wan is totally reading my blog right this minute. i told him too. and he keeps on text-messaging me every 10 seconds. haha!! you go wan!!

air kisses